Valentines "Day"?
It's not really just one day is it? It seems like it is a month long anvil resting ever so painfully on top of every human being.
Once Jan 14th hits it starts to creep on people that this vicious day called Valentines Day is fast approaching. For some, it actually might be exciting. Maybe you just got into a relationship and you still have those endorphins pumping. Maybe you have a big trip planned. Or finally maybe you are just off a little bit (you have T-Mobile?). Either way, good for you.
For the rest of us, Valentines Day is nothing but trouble. It ranks up there with New Years. Big Expectations, even Bigger Letdowns. For those that have relationships, you are being watched like a hawk circling a small shrew (read: intently). What do you have planned? Nothing? Just a romantic dinner where you try to be scintillating/attractive? G'luck. And do you love him/her more on just that day? That's not a good sign.
"yea, i really want to break up with her but, i just can't man. Valentines Day is coming."
"Um. So is Lincoln's birthday."
"I'm not having sex with Lincoln."
"Well played. Either way, you think it's better to have an extremely romantic Valentines Day and THEN break her heart?"
"It gives me another few weeks to think which city i will move to."
"well played again."
For the ones without relationships, it seems the worst. What the hell are we supposed to do while you shrew's are having expensive dinners and eating those candy hearts that taste like salted cardboard? Well we still eat the hearts because...i don't know why actually. They really are painfully bad. Moving on...
I won't go into the classic rhetoric of Hallmark creating an American holiday just to make more money. That would be too easy. BUT...The Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year behind Christmas. The association estimates that women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines (that's a shocker--I wonder how many of those women send the valentines to themselves?).
In the end, the grass is always greener. People in relationships who aren't crazy about their significant other want to smack St. Valentine in his face. Inflation is a bitch and back in his day, you could always steal some chocolate from a Dutchmen (they are always neutral/won't fight back and plan on getting chocolate-jacked). Nice player-hatin, Valentine.
People who are not in relationships feel this sudden loneliness bury into their very core. It's annoying. It's like watching a baby try and stand up for an hour. Just f'in do it, already. Baby.
Whatever camp you are in, just remember it is one day amongst many. Personally, i will be throwing those little edible styrofoam hearts at dutch people.
Once Jan 14th hits it starts to creep on people that this vicious day called Valentines Day is fast approaching. For some, it actually might be exciting. Maybe you just got into a relationship and you still have those endorphins pumping. Maybe you have a big trip planned. Or finally maybe you are just off a little bit (you have T-Mobile?). Either way, good for you.
For the rest of us, Valentines Day is nothing but trouble. It ranks up there with New Years. Big Expectations, even Bigger Letdowns. For those that have relationships, you are being watched like a hawk circling a small shrew (read: intently). What do you have planned? Nothing? Just a romantic dinner where you try to be scintillating/attractive? G'luck. And do you love him/her more on just that day? That's not a good sign.
"yea, i really want to break up with her but, i just can't man. Valentines Day is coming."
"Um. So is Lincoln's birthday."
"I'm not having sex with Lincoln."
"Well played. Either way, you think it's better to have an extremely romantic Valentines Day and THEN break her heart?"
"It gives me another few weeks to think which city i will move to."
"well played again."
For the ones without relationships, it seems the worst. What the hell are we supposed to do while you shrew's are having expensive dinners and eating those candy hearts that taste like salted cardboard? Well we still eat the hearts because...i don't know why actually. They really are painfully bad. Moving on...
I won't go into the classic rhetoric of Hallmark creating an American holiday just to make more money. That would be too easy. BUT...The Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year behind Christmas. The association estimates that women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines (that's a shocker--I wonder how many of those women send the valentines to themselves?).
In the end, the grass is always greener. People in relationships who aren't crazy about their significant other want to smack St. Valentine in his face. Inflation is a bitch and back in his day, you could always steal some chocolate from a Dutchmen (they are always neutral/won't fight back and plan on getting chocolate-jacked). Nice player-hatin, Valentine.
People who are not in relationships feel this sudden loneliness bury into their very core. It's annoying. It's like watching a baby try and stand up for an hour. Just f'in do it, already. Baby.
Whatever camp you are in, just remember it is one day amongst many. Personally, i will be throwing those little edible styrofoam hearts at dutch people.
3 Comments:
i agree, valentines day is the worst.
or maybe i am the worst.
a few years ago, i broke up with someone ON valentine's day. via email.
i am scared of the karma.
you didn't start off by giving him a nice paper cut and squeezing lemon juice on it, did you? It's ok, I forgive you. Plus, karma doesn't really exist...until you're 27.
I agree! I have never had a "real" valentine. I recently met a guy a few weeks ago at a club. We have been emailing everyday since, and I was wondering how can I tell if it is more than just flirtiacious emails? Or should I blame this all on valentines day?
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