Buy This Now #19: Oregon Trail iPhone/iTouch App

Everybody who has ever played The Oregon Trail before and has an iPhone or an iTouch, please raise your hand. Now use that hand to click on this sentence.


Once you are there, buy/download The Oregon Trail. Now proceed to waste your life shooting buffalo, sacrificing one of your daughters to the Indians, and naming your players such ribald classics as "My Ass" (which opens the comedic force of seeing, "My Ass just got bit by a rattlesnake!"

Enjoy kids.

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Should you buy the new iPhone 3G S?

Probably. You fall into three different camps:

1. Have an original non-3g iphone
2. Have an iPhone 3g
3. Have any other phone besides an iPhone


Ironically, the people who will most appreciate the new iPhone 3G s are people who fall into category 1 and 2. The new iPhone 3G s is so much faster and smoother compared to it's older siblings it's a joke. You don't realize how slow the iPhone and iPhone 3G really is until you use a new iPhone 3G s. Also ironically, the people who already have an iPhone probably will have to pay full retail for the new iPhone 3G s and that is where we run into a bit of a problem since the 3G s could cost $699 for the 32gb flagship iPhone 3G s. That's just ridiculous. Is the iPhone worth a $699 upgrade over the current 3G that you most likely paid $300+ for just a year ago? No. It's just not. What you should do is what I did and have a friend help you out (read more about it here: Attention all Non-ATT customers.

For people who fall into the 3rd camp, there really is no better smartphone on the market. Is it deserving of all the crazy hype? Eh, maybe not. But it is pretty damn good. If you have never used an iPhone there is no better time to try it out. You don't like it, return it and go back to your blackberry. Try it. There is a reason why people line up for days to get the new iPhone. Mostly because they are dead inside but also because it's a great device, leap years above 99.9% of the rest of the market.




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I Hate Facebook

I'm sure by now most of you have heard of FMyLife so along that same vein, someone has made a clone that is specifically for bashing on the beast which is Facebook: the aptly named www.IHateFacebook.com.

The site just looks to be starting out, coming out of Beta but I'm sure we all have some Facebook horror stories to share anonymously. That news feed showing off your girlfriend taking body shots during her "work trip" to vegas? Boss sees what you looked like your glory Frat days? The girl you just went on a date with friend'ed your mom. Go on, share your Facebook pain.

Little note: seems like the site is being hit by Spam so your story has to be "Accepted" by the community before it shows up. Click "Moderate" on the top menu to help accept/deny stories.
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Attention all NON-ATT Customers!

Here's the short story: you switch to ATT and I will give you a FREE 16gb iPhone 3G. Pretty simple. Switch to ATT and you get a free iPhone.


Longer story: I am not giving up on the economy and thus I will keep my consumerism strong. I am planning on purchasing the new 32gb iPhone 3Gs but for ME, since I just upgraded, it would cost me a cool $700 (spicy). But, for a new ATT customer, the price for that iPhone is a mere $299. So, I need someone to switch to ATT, buy the $299 iPhone 3Gs, give it to me, and then I would pay them $299 (to cover their costs) PLUS my "old" 16gb iPhone 32gb.

Everybody wins. You get a free iPhone. I get to save money.

Message me if you're interested...again, only NON-ATT Customers who want to switch to ATT may apply.

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Car Accident Checklist

Everybody has been in or knows someone who has been in a car accident. Never fun. Here's a helpful little checklist to print out and put in your glove box. Related, who has ever put gloves in their glove box?


Car Accident Checklist

DRIVE SAFE! No more texting, putting on makeup, putting on makeup while texting, thinking about what you're going to text at the redlight, etc. Just drive.
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Buy This Now #831: Gateway MD2601u 15.6" Laptop

Besides having the ultra sexy model name of the MD2601u, this is an amazing deal of a laptop. Just picked it up for $529 INCLUDING tax from Best Buy.


I needed an extra laptop for the office so I thought why not. It's speedy, got a massive screen (15.6") and keyboard, 4 USB ports, HDMI out for hooking up to a HDTV, built in webcam, OK battery life...not sure what there is not to like for $500 for a fully featured laptop. It's even kinda sleek looking (I said kinda).

If you're looking for a 2nd or 3rd computer to keep around the house or to bring to the office, this should be on your short list. $500 out the door, people.

Truth.

As a gift to all my fellow readers, and to help out a certain wonderful charity, I will be raffling off this wonderful laptop. More details in the next few days!
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Buy This Now #831: Gateway MD2601u 15.6

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Selling my (almost) brand new Kindle 2

Amazon, in their infinite wisdom, has given me a reason to sell my precious Kindle 2. Purchased the device about 2 months ago and it is in perfect condition. It also comes with the $30 leather case which works amazingly well. The Kindle 2 retails for $359 so plus the cover I have spent $390 on this device (not including tax, shipping, and emotional bonding).

I am willing to sell it AND the case for $320 SHIPPED anywhere in the US.



Why am I selling this majestic piece of hardware? Because I care about the economy and I am purchasing the Kindle DX. Sigh.

Amazon, you have beaten me again.
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Buy This #112: Peggle (one of the greatest time-wasters/life enhancers ever created)

100%, Jordan approved, fantastic computer game that will take over your life. I don't want to say anything more about it. But I will. It's like Bust-a-Move, Chess, and Pinball had a love child and that love child grew up to be one of the best games ever created. Check it out here and download the trial here.

Note: I accept all challenges.


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Buy This #87: MAC MTH-80 8" Chef's Knife w/ Dimples

Every human being needs a great chef knife. It's the ultimate knife. Chops, slices, dices, keeps intruders at bay, and just makes you feel like a chef even though you are using the knife to open a lean cuisine package.

There are many knife brands out there: Global, Henkels, Nenox, Messermeister, Cutco (ha), Forschner, and Shun just to name a few but there is one brand of Chef Knife that stands tall above the rest: the Mac MTH-80 8" with Dimples. I know...it sounds like a military weapon (excluding the dimples part).

All the brands listed will get the job done (except for the Cutco, more on that down below) but using a great knife after using a "normal" knife is analogous to driving a Toyota and then driving a Bentley. The Toyota is a fantastic car and it will get you from point A to point B but obviously the Bentley gives you an all around more enjoyable experience. I don't like EVERY Mac knife but this specific chef knife is highly recommended and to get a "better" knife you would have to spend 2-3x more money and frankly you would be paying more for the style than the actual durability, blade, comfort, ease of utility, etc.

Buy it here

Note on Cutco: I'm sure many of you know someone who has worked for Cutco or even purchased some Cutco knives. In short, they are a scam. The company uses proven psychological tricks to get people to spend money on knives they do not need. If you're not familiar with their practices here's the the short story: they recruit kids in college and have them call their family and friends. Obviously a family member or friend can't say no so the college kid gets dressed up in their only suit/pant suit, shows up and gives a demonstration designed to trick the person into purchasing as much as humanely possible of knives that are pretty much crap. People are not buying the knives, they are buying this poor college kid that has spent 45minutes in their home. Then what happens is since these people have spent close to $1000 (or more) on these awful knives they must mentally trick themselves that the knives were worth it. Who wants to recognize that they just got swindled out of $1000 from a family friend? Also, people usually have fairly bad knives or at least knives that have not been sharpened so when a freshly sharpened Cutco knife cuts better than a 20 year old dull knife people should not be surprised...yet...it blows their mind. Worst part is after this kid steals money from these people, they ask for references and the cycle continues. "Hi there, your best friend Sue Jones told me you would be interested in..." And now this person doesn't want to offend Sue Jones by not letting her nephew come and around and around it goes.

Cutco's claim to fame is that the knives never need sharpening. False. Not only do they need sharpening but Cutco has to do it themselves so you have to send your knives out (for a nominal fee of course). They also claim that they are extremely durable and dishwasher safe. Only partly false. They do survive in the dishwasher better than most brands but they still show discoloration and a loosening of the blade from the handle. In the end...stay away from Cutco and if you don't believe me check out this independent review that rated the Cutco knife as literally "Unacceptable" in almost every test: Chef Knives Rated

Happy Cutting!
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1min anonymous dating survey

Help me out and please take this 1min ANONYMOUS dating survey! Thanks!

Dating Survey




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Buy This #412: Vlassic Snack'mms Pickles

So what's the worst thing about pickles? That's right, they are too big and unwieldy for a casual snack. Enter the game-changing Vlassic Snack'mms Pickle. They are gherkin size but pickle taste. Basically a bite or two and boom, you just had a pickle. I do love pickles so I could go on and say that they have just right amount of crunch, salt, and sweet but I would rather you just trust me and go buy 2 jars. Or 3 and give me 1.




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Buy This #259: Canon Powershot 780IS

In my ongoing plan to stimulate the economy, I am giving you one more thing to spend your hard-earned/stolen money on: the Canon Powershot 780IS. A word to the wise, every item I list has been approved by me and is something that I would personally use. In other words...this is some good sh*t.



The camera is extremely thin (even for Canon), takes solid photos for a pocket point and shoot, good battery life, has an amazing HD video capture, and is not too expensive. It even comes in 4 colors so you can show people how different and expressive you are via your camera.

Buy it here.
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Ideal Cookware Set (Stimulate Economy #738)

Ok, random, I know, but I love to cook and I almost tore apart my cupboard looking for a pot lid last night. Annoying and a waste of time, I say. People accumulate random pots and pans over the years (I'm sure you bought a triangle baking pan because one random recipe called for it then never used it again).

Here's the ultimate list of the the ideal cooking set (best in each category). Maybe friend's are getting married and they want some advice on what to buy. Maybe you just broke a pan. Maybe you just want to spend some money. Or finally...maybe you just want to cook something in a new pan. Exciting times, indeed.

1. All-Clad Stainless 12-inch Skillet
2. All-Clad Stainless 2-quart Saucepan
3. All-Clad Stainless 4-quart Saucepan
4. Cuisinart Chef’s Classic 12-quart Stockpot
5. Le Creuset 7¼-quart Round French Oven
6. Lodge Logic 12-inch Cast-Iron Skillet
7. Wearever Premium Hard Anodized 10-inch Nonstick Sauté Pan

Believe it or not, you really don't need more than 7 pots/pans. Boom. Feel free to make fun of me because I like cookware. I would, too.
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Buy This #142: Asus EeePc 1000HE

I know. It's a mouthful but this recession won't fix itself. It needs consumers (like you!) to step it up and spend more money. I know you want to spend some money so I am here to tell you what to spend it on: the Asus EeePC 1000HE 10" netbook. If a big laptop had a baby with a smartphone that offspring would look like a netbook.



Chances are you have one laptop that is your main computer. Also, chances are, that laptop is 14"+ which can weigh 6+ pounds which doesn't include the power adapter, mice, carrying case, blah blah. 99% of the time you want to surf the web, do a little MS Office work, maybe watch some internet video. That's about it and you don't need your big beast of a laptop everywhere you go.

Enter in Netbooks. These things range from 8" to 12" screens but I think the sweet spot is 10" which the Asus EeePC 1000HE is. The best part about these netbooks are that they are virtually silent, small, CHEAP, and have ridiculously long battery lives...the Asus runs nearly 10 hrs. Boom.

Short story:

Pros
1. Small, lightweight
2. clear 10" screen
3. fairly roomy keyboard
4. speedy enough to browse the web, create/edit MS Office docs, watch video
5. Almost TEN HOUR BATTERY LIFE
6. CHEAP ($389 SHIPPED)
7. Runs full version of WinXP
8. Somewhat stylish looking but if you're using a netbook as a fashion accessory then you may have other problems

Cons
1. Keyboard is roomy but not full size
2. Screen will be smaller than what you're used to
3. No built in optical cd/dvd drive but lets be honest...this is not your main computer so why do you need a built in dvd drive? Who burns cds/dvds on the road? You wanna watch a movie? Rent is on iTunes, download it to your netbook and you're done. No more messing with DVD cases, scratched DVDs, and other annoying things I can't think of at the moment.


Last but not least, buy it from Amazon here and try it for 30 days. If you don't love it or don't think you will use it then return it for a full refund. It's great to just throw it in any bag and take it to school, starbucks, flight, work, friend's birthday party that you don't care about, etc.

Comes in Black or Blue. I chose black.
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Why everybody should purchase a Kindle 2

There are usually two types of people:

1. People who love to read
2. People who do not love to read

The good news is that both of those people will love the Kindle 2. If you have never used the Kindle then you should go steal one for an afternoon and take it for a spin. Really could not be easier or more enjoyable. I said it.




For the three people on the planet who don't know how the Kindle works, here ya go:

You pick up the device and enter your Amazon.com account information. You then browse the Amazon bookstore wirelessly from your Kindle. You find a book/magazine/blog/newspaper you want to read, click a button, and in 10-20 seconds it downloads to your device so you can finally find out what happens to the pair of jeans in the Sisterhood of Traveling Pants 2. Spoiler alert: even the unattractive girl is happy at the end due to these pants.

For those of you familiar with the joy of Kindle usage, the Kindle 2 is a clean little upgrade. Thinner, better battery life, brighter screen, better keyboard. Boom.

People will argue, "Why spend close to $400 on something that just reads book? I'll just buy the books." Well, three responses:

1. The download versions of the books costs about 50% of the hard copy costs so in about a years time if you read a book or two a month you could recoup a massive amount of the Kindle price.

2. Don't tell me how to spend my money.

3. Kindle actually makes reading possible. You hear about a book and you say, "Ya, I'll go pick that up or order it sometime." You never do. With the Kindle you just pick it up and have the book in your hand in seconds.

The best thing you can do for yourself of someone who is just starting to read (could be one in the same) is to buy a Kindle 2.

Truth
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Intent

Almost every news article on the current Israel-Hamas situation says the same thing: "killing civilians is bad." Good to know.

i feel it comes down to intent: Hamas aims at civilian targets for the sole purpose of murder/destruction. Israel strikes researched and known Hamas targets including missiles. Israel does not cheer or throw massive street parades when a civilian is inadvertently killed. Nor does it celebrate even when a terrorist is killed.

You may disagree with Israel's current response but you cannot argue the facts. From the beginning of the year until June 19, Israel was struck by 2,660 projectiles fired from Gaza. Think about that for a second. 2,660 rockets in 6 months! That's 15 missiles A DAY being fired into Israeli cities. Almost a million Israeli's are under threat of missile fire. Every day an Israeli city has to live in fear, waiting for the siren to sound warning of a possible missile strike, pushing them to huddle in shelters waiting to hear an impact. Would it be better if Israel did not have these defenses to protect its civilians? Would Israel's current attack be more justified if the Hamas missile's were able to successfully carry out their mission and murder more Israeli civilians? Just last week a missile hit a kindergarden in an Israeli city but luckily the children were kept away from the school that day. Should Hamas be rewarded because the children's families were cautious?

In America we could never understand what these Israeli's have to deal with on a daily basis. If Tijuana fired just ONE rocket into San Diego, America would turn Mexico into a parking lot overnight. Agree or disagree but news would read: Mexico Attacks US, US Retaliates. The news is not so kind with Israel. "13 More Palestinian Children Murdered", "Israeli Pushes Further Into War Ravaged Gaza", "Palestinian Hospital Is Overwhelmed With Israeli Attacks."

The fact that ANY LIFE has to be taken is a tragedy. The fact that innocent children are being killed is beyond words. It is awful. No Israeli wants this. They want peace. Israel gave Gaza back and instead of using Gaza as a home, Hamas used it as a launch pad to fire thousands of rockets into Israel.

Instead of merely admonishing Israel for aggressive response, why not offer some advice on how Israel SHOULD respond to these attacks. Was this a knee jerk reaction by Israel? Was one missile fired before Israel declared war or was it thousands upon thousands before Israel decided to strategically act to protect its people?

People argue that Hamas is separate from the people in Gaza. I agree partly with this. That said, Hamas was elected. Yes, it promised medical care, food, money, etc but in the end this is not a small group of 100 extremists working outside the boundaries of Gaza rule. This is the elected government firing rockets into a neighboring countries civilian populations for no reason besides to murder. Hamas cries out to Israel, calling it a murderer of children yet Hamas places these missiles next to houses and schools. Should Israel let Hamas fire these rockets at will?

I don't know what the answer is. I despise the fact that Israel is in war right now. Israel hates war. Israel wants nothing more than to live in peace but on the other side it, like every other country, has a right to defend itself. I, personally, do not think it is fair for Israel to wait till more of their civilians are murdered. I wish there was a peaceful way to protect Israeli citizens, I really do.

Hopefully someone will figure it out before more blood is spilled...on both sides.

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Interesting

Anyone else find it interesting that Obama has raised more money than Kerry and Bush put TOGETHER in 2004? Now of course many applaud this effort and use it as evidence that people are getting involved and actually caring about their country's future. Me...I just think it is an incredible waste.

I'll explain. Obama has raised $603 Million dollars. McCain has raised $360 Million. So, basically, people have donated almost a BILLION dollars in order to lower their taxes? In order to have more money for their family? How about people actually donate to charities, schools, scholarships, small to medium businesses instead of sending money to someone to do the work for them? It's the ultimate form of outsourcing. And that's just the monetary side of things. What about the thousands upon thousands of donated hours that people have given to each campaign? We could have changed our country in the last two years if people just worked on the actual country instead of supporting their favorite candidate who is supposed to do the work for them.

Obviously I am over simplifying things to make a point but still, it is shocking the amount of money, care, and effort people give to candidates. Yes, there are many things that cannot be bought, that are "priceless." Supreme Court Judges. Defense. Unicorns. Either way, it's just depressing to see all that time and money thrown to someone who ultimately will not change this country for the better (yes, neither McCain nor Obama will be able to reverse our country's downward spiral in 4 years).
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Wingwomen

**If you are in Vegas or NYC and willing to use WingWomen, CoolSlice will pay for half the night. All you have to do is send photos and fill us in on the night.**

It's a generally known fact that guys who are in the company of attractive women are more attractive to other women. Women see a guy who is desirable because he is desired by the desired.



The idea of bringing "Wingwomen" is not a new concept. Turning that idea into a business on the other hand is...new. Welcome to the world of Wingwomen.com

They have "Wingwomen" in both Las Vegas and NYC. Makes sense. The real question is who are these "Wingwomen"? I suppose it's an easy way for a pretty girl to make some extra cash in the dark hours without bothering to become a bartender. And I know what you're thinking, but Wingwomen.com assures us that these "women" are not your date for the night. They are merely helpers trying to get you a date.

Anybody have a problem with this? Is it just making something that happens every day (men paying women to be around them with dinner, drinks, etc) to an organized business or is it taking the concept to an unfortunate level? Eh. Guys want women enough to pay for them. That we know for sure. If men will buy cars, bottles at clubs, and expensive dinners to attract women (and if women continue to be attracted to those things...)* then why not buy women as bait as well?

I wonder if Wingmen.com would work? "Wow, that girl is standing next to a guy who looks like he stepped off a Polo ad. That makes her so much more attractive and attainable!" Society is fun.

Any readers in Vegas or NYC want to take the Wingwomen plunge? CoolSlice will pay for half the night if you send photos and fill us in on how the night went.

*Ed Note: CoolSlice knows that women are not directly attracted to a bottle of alcohol. They are attracted to the lifestyle behind the bottle. CoolSlice also knows that not all women are like this. Just enough to justify making a business like Wingwomen...


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Barack Obama: I've been called worse on the Basketball Court

This is about as sassy as you will ever see Obama

 
 

I just like it when he says "my friends."

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Malaysian man gets nut stuck around penis

Really not much more to say...
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Leggings should have stayed in the 80's

Ok, quick poll. Women who wear tights/leggings as pants look like:

a) 8 year olds on their way to dance class
b) 8 year olds who can't afford real pants
c) A and B
d) All of the above


I kid. To the countless scores of women out there who are recently in love with wearing tights and leggings, i mean no offense. I just want to learn a tad more about this fashion phenomenon.

Explanations why women choose to look like out of work aerobic instructors:

1. comfortable. ok, it's like wearing your PJ's in public. super. you're wearing your PJ's in public, however.

2. looks good? i suppose if you're stick thin it makes you look ever more svelte but if you so happen as to have any bit of, how shall we say...padding, then it doesn't exactly flatter you.

I know some guys feel the same way I do. I also know other guys like it but not because the woman looks put together or "stylish." Just that it's nice to be able to see her wearing undergarments.

So will tights/leggings stick around? Not sure. It was a smooth evolution of fashion so it might be here to stay for awhile. We had girls wearing jeans, then tight jeans, then extremely tight jeans, and then extremely tight jeans tucked into boots. Of course the next step will be women just painting on their clothes. You heard it here first.


ed note: I love women and all their fashion choices. If a woman feels confident with what she's wearing (or not wearing), go for it. I just felt like sharing.
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Amazon Kindle Intro

Heard about the new Amazon Kindle that has a 7 month waiting list? Yea, probably not. Either way, if you enjoy reading anything (magazines, books, newspapers, blogs, bumper stickers, etc) you might just love the Kindle. Here's a quick intro video and my sexy voice:



My initial conclusion? Pretty darn good. Get one if you can.

edit: haha, the video is sideways.
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IHateFacebook and ILoveFacebook have a new home!

I have moved the much loved www.IHateFacebook.com and www.ILoveFacebook.com forums to a new home. The old forums we're being attacked viciously by spammers/bad people/the Dutch so it was time for a move. You will have to re-register (take you about 12 seconds) and then post away! Spread the word.
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Law school finals better than sex? New study says no.

There have been rumors that law school finals are in fact more enjoyable than sex. A study conducted by myself has hinted at otherwise. Here are the details of the study:

1 person said that law school finals were in fact worse than the drunk girl who won't leave your party. When pressed he expanded further by saying, "law school finals are like a Christopher Columbus expedition. When you begin, you don't know where you're going. When you get there, you don't know where you are. And when you get back, you have no idea where you've been. So...actually, it is kinda like sex..."


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Just Say Merry Christmas!

What's wrong with saying Merry Christmas? Why does it have to be a "Holiday Party" when it clearly is a Christmas Party? Why do I keep losing my shoe trees? All these questions will be explored and hopefully answered.



First let me begin by saying that I understand why there has been a fervent switch to Happy Holiday land. We are in a world of fear. Fear of offending people. That's all fine and good but there has to be limits. Let's think about who would be offended by hearing Merry Christmas? Virtually all Americans — 95 percent — say they celebrate Christmas, 4 percent celebrate Hanukkah and 3 percent Kwanzaa (Jordan, you idiot! That's more than 100%! You're stats suck and i stole your shoetrees! Well believe it or not, some people like to celebrate more than 1 holiday. Truth. Now stop stealing my sh*t). Yep, that's right. 95% celebrate Christmas. 95/100 people across America. I'm a Jew and I do not pretend to speak for the rest of my religion but personally I don't feel uncomfortable when someone tells me, "Merry Christmas!" I don't yell back "he's not my lord!" I love Christmas. People are nicer, there's eggnog, presents, large nice smelling trees, pretty lights...i mean, life is good. Lastly, I doubt all this fuss is caused by the 3% of the Kwanza celebrating folk. They seem like a nice folk. So who are the Grinch's out there hatin' on Christmas?

Ironically enough, it's probably the people who celebrate Christmas themselves. They feel guilty for having such a great holiday. They don't want to rub it in our faces. Well, just so you know, we can take it. The Jews have been through a fair amount across the years and we are tough enough to take someone daring to wish us a Merry Christmas.

Last year, three weeks after Hanukah and before Christmas, someone told me "Happy Holidays!" I said thank you but then asked, "which Holidays are you specifically talking about?" There was of course a pause. What could she say? There is only one holiday left! Seems kind of obvious that she's talking about Christmas. It's Christmas season for baby Jesus' sake.

Finally, don't call it a Holiday Party when it clearly is a Christmas Party. Signs that it is a Christmas Party:

1. Mistletoe
2. Eggnog
3. Anything red or green
4. A party around Christmas time
5. A fat guy giving out presents
6. Your Jewish friends call it a Christmas party
7. Your friends call it a non-denominational Hanukkah-Kwanza-Fiesta

The point of all this? Just say Merry Christmas if it's Christmas time. Seems simple enough. At the VERY LEAST, please do not be afraid to say Merry Christmas. Of course I am being very close-minded. Please someone who is offended by calling Christmas Parties, Christmas Parties and people who need to see Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas, leave a comment. Tell me why you are offended. I love learning.

Merry Christmas, Happy belated Hanukkah, and have a Glorious Kwanza (whenever it is celebrated)!

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Holiday Camera Buying Guide

I'm sure some of you have loved ones you want to take photos of (must be nice) but lack the necessary element to get those precious photos. Well, you're in luck. There's never been a better time to buy a digital camera. Here are the ones I say you must buy or make an awful mistake.



First off, a note about the the half-naked woman holding a computer power supply (it's what's in your big computer that makes it go on when you press the power button). I really tried to find a half-naked male model holding a piece of computer technology but alas....

1. Ultra-Pocketable: Casio EX-Z77

Little wider than a credit card, takes pretty good photos and is cheap. Done.

Full Review

1a. Ultra Pocketable And Stylish: Sony T200

Have to give up to Sony. They made a pretty sexy (if camera's can be sexy) device that has an unheard of 3.5" LCD screen. Did I mention that LCD screen is completely driven by touch? Yep, no hard buttons for Sony. Doesn't take as good photos as the Canon 870IS but they are still pretty darn sharp. Note: this is a luxury device. You will pay about $100 more for the honor.

Full Review

2. Pocketable: Canon 870IS

Still small enough to fit in a purse or pocket, solid build, great features, very good image quality. Done.

Full Review

2a. Best Value Pocketable: Nikon S51

Compact, clean, takes great photos, and did i mention it's going for only $199!? Great holiday deal. Check it out at Amazon or Rtiz Camera.

3. Prosumer: Canon G9

For that budding shutterbug who needs a good starting camera but doesn't want to lug around a massive DSLR.

Full Review

4. DSLR/Baller Shot Caller: Canon 40D

This is an all around naughty piece of electronic imaging. You really aren't a photographer till you snap a few pics with a DSLR.

Full Review

But Jordan, there are so many other cameras out there! What about Nikon, Kodak, HP?? My friend's boyfriend's older brother's former roommate took a photo one time and says that buying a digital camera right now is analagous to being a communist sympathizer! Obvi. Yes, there are other cameras out there that will get the job done. These happen to be the best in each category. Stop asking questions and go spend money.


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Giant Rabbits Invade North Korea

For decades, Karl Smolinsky had been breeding ever larger rabbits--until finally, in 2006, one of his creations won the title of Largest Rabbit in Germany (Coincidentally, this is the same year I realized there was an award for Largest Rabbit in Germany). Weighing in a 22 lbs, Robert the Great German Rabbit instantly won the hearts of people around the world--including those in North Korea. In December of that year, North Korea sent a delegation to Smolinsky's farm. They wanted bunnies. Big ones. And lots of them. Smolinsky was a former resident of East Germany and had a soft spot for people suffering from food shortages under maniacal dictatorships. So, he agreed to sell North Korea 12 breeding rabbits (including Robert!!) at the steeply discounted price of roughly $120 each.

Oh but wait, it gets better (or worse depending on how much you like/hate giant bunnies)...


North Korea somehow didn't realize that giant 22lb rabbits eat a fair amount of food. Actually more than the average human in North Korea. Oops. Smolinsky received repeated rejections by the North Korean government to visit his long lost bunnies. Finally, North Korea basically said, "bunnies are ours. We bought fair square. You go now."

Around this time it happened to be Kim Jong Il's birthday--a huge bash known for its flashy parades and giant banquet dinners. That's right. Giant banquet dinners. With no proof of his rabbits well-being (and terse replies from the North Korean government), Smolinsky--and the rest of us are left with only one conclusion: Kim Jong Il ate the rabbits sent to keep his people from starving to death.


-Source, Mental Floss
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New Sonos ZoneBridge and Sonos System Review

If the world of music streamers were a private club, then Sonos didn't merely ask to join. Sonos kicked down the door with a model on each arm, slapped the owner, and renamed the joint Sonos' Place. It's just that good.



Introduction (the more experienced of you readers can feel free to skip down to the start of the review):

People have a common problem. Yes, exactly, they have a ton of digital music on their computer but no way to play all the delectable music on their home stereo or in their office, or by their pool, in their garage...well you get the point. Thus entered a new market of Music Streamers. Quite simply, these products "streamed" your music from your computer to your home stereo. Often times they worked. Often times they were ugly, hard to setup, hard to operate...the list could go on.

In 2005, Sonos had enough. They decided there was room for a well-built, slick, smooth, incredibly easy to use product that could blow this whole Music Streaming business to the next level. Remember the private club I told you about? Yep, this is about the time they kicked the doors down. The current Sonos setup has evolved over the years but a few days ago they added a massive addition to their solid lineup: the ZoneBridge (more on that in a bit).

Review:

First off, I must mention that I worked with Mike Zapata of the Sonos Sales Team. He was everything you want in a Sales Manager; knowledgeable, easy to talk to, not pushy in the slightest, and extremely prompt in reply time. If he is any example of the rest of the Sonos staff (which i'm sure he is) then they are definitely doing something right. Mike and I put together a killer system which basically consisted of everything in the Sonos Store excluding a Sonos T-Shirt. Ahem, feel free to send me one, Sonos...

My System: Sonos Bundle 130 with Loudspeakers (1x ZonePlayer 80, 1x ZonePlayer 100, 1x Controller 100, 1x Loudspeaker 100) plus a 1x ZoneBridge and a Controller Dock.



The Sonos ZonePlayers come in two flavors, the ZP-80 and ZP-100 ($349, $499 respectively). The main difference is that the ZP-100 has an internal amp that allows it to power a set of external speakers by itself whereas the ZP-80 needs to be plugged into a receiver/amp. In short, you put the ZP-100 in your bedroom, attach a set of speakers and your set. The ZP-80 plugs right into your home stereo amp/receiver. This was sometimes a tough setup because most people have their routers tucked away in a closet and would have to spend $350 for a ZP-80 which is a waste.

Enter the ZoneBridge ($99). This is simply a cheap way to start your (happier) Sonos-filled life. It is a very small, very good looking white box the plugs directly into your router and starts spreading the Sonos love around your house. Attach the ZoneBridge to your router, add a ZonePlayer to external speakers/a home stereo and off you go in musical bliss.

I live in a fairly large 2 bedroom condo. I have a nice home theater setup in my den/living room but it was always a hassle playing music. Do you burn and play a cd? Do you listen to radio? I don't have time for these questions. I wanted to press some buttons, hit "Pre-Party Playlist" and get things rockin'. I also wanted to hear some nice music in my bedroom. Have a chill downtempo playlist to go to sleep to and then wake up to some heart racing, start your morning right jams (nothing like waking up to Kanye West's Stronger at 7am). Could one system do all this? Would it be easy for my technologically inept friends to operate? Would I be able to pay my rent once it was setup? Yes, yes, and technically yes (credit cards are fantastic things).

Installation and Setup:

Sonos is brain-dead simple to setup. The instruction manual literally has 3 steps. In general, you plug one of their hardware into your wired/wireless router. You then plug another into your home stereo. Turn on the controller. Um...done.

Ok, technically there is a little more to it, but not much.

Step 1: Plug the ZoneBridge into the router



Step 2: Install the Sonos Desktop Controller Software from the CD

Step 3: Run the software and let it find the ZoneBridge on your network



Step 4: Plug in a ZonePlayer to your home stereo



Step 5: Turn on your controller and connect it to your ZonePlayer



Step 6: Setup any other ZonePlayers



Step 7: In the Sonos Desktop Software, add the folder where you store your music

Step 8: Play with the Controller for hours



I had the entire setup completed in under 10 minutes. It only took me that long because I messed up (mea culpa). It just worked. No connection hassles, no drop outs, nothing. From Step 1 to the end, it was too easy. How often do you say that about technology?

The Controller

The arguable core of the Sonos System is the awesome Controller. It is a beautiful piece of equipment. It's solid, responsive, and has one of the most intuitive interfaces next to the iPod. I gave it to four people who have never heard of the idea of Music Streaming and they instantly felt comfortable with the Controller.

Let me drop some Sonos experience on you...

I pick up the wireless Controller from the charging dock on my bedside table, hit a few buttons, set a 15 minute timer, and start a chill music playlist. Music starts playing instantly. I read my book, nod off as the Sonos quietly turns off after 15 minutes.

7am rolls around and Kanye is telling me I've Got To Be Stronger so i reach over and hit the snooze button on my Controller. Kanye doesn't wake up at 7am. In a few minutes, music starts up again and this time Kanye will not be ignored. I roll out of bed with Controller in hand. Press a button, select Living Room and instantly the music that was playing in my bedroom starts playing out of my home stereo. Booyah. For fun, while in the kitchen making breakfast, I press three buttons and start playing a new playlist in my bedroom while Kanye is still playing in the living room. All of this happens instantly.

Fast-forward to later that night. I have some people coming over so i put together a good mix in iTunes on my computer. It takes Sonos about 2 seconds to recognize the new playlist. I pull it up on my wireless Controller, select that i want it playing in the living room and Voila, my new mix that I JUST made in iTunes is playing out of my home stereo.

Damn, phone rings, hit pause on my Controller, music pauses, take the call, hit play, bam, right where I left off. Too easy.

People come over, having a good time and my playlist is running out. Add some more on the fly, search my library, online radio, Rhapsody, Napsterm Pandora, Sirius...non-stop music.

Are you getting the picture? Also, did I mention you add up two 32 (yes, 32) ZonePlayers to your network? The music is everywhere...

Conclusion:

Sonos does not stop innovating. It just released software version 2.5 which allows you to browse Napster Online Music service right from your Controller. Sonos also works with Rhapsody, Sirius, and Pandora. You don't have your favorite new songs on your computer? No problem. Select Rhapsody from your Controller, search for your artist, find your song, click play. Done.

The Sonos System and the new ZoneBridge are so good that I am actually trying to find a fault with it. Is it absolutely, positively, 100% perfect? No, of course not, nothing is but it is pretty darn close.

What would I change? It's pricey. My setup costs almost $1,300 which is steep when someone first hears it. You want me to pay how much to listen to music in my bedroom?? I'll buy a clock radio for $20. That said, you don't have to get my system. With the new cheap ZoneBridge, the Controller, and a ZonePlayer, you might be able to get out under $700 which in my mind, is a steal. Sonos also needs to release a ZonePlayer with speakers built in. It seems like the next logical step. Some people want just a small box that they could put in the kitchen or bathroom which could play all their music. While we're at it, Sonos should make it run on batteries. And then sell it for $50. I'll hold my breath of the final two wishes but get on that Sonos. The ZoneSpeaker, the Zone Hi-Fi, or something much more clever. Get your marketing team on it.

This is not a system for everyone. Let's not kid ourselves, this is a luxury item but unlike most luxuries, the Sonos System is undeniably useful, built well, and is unbelievably fun to use. If you love music, appreciate form and function...you owe it to yourself to try this system out.

Sonos offers a 30 day no questions asked return policy. Be warned, however, once you get this system in your house, you won't let it go without a fight.

More Photos for your Enjoyment










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My Office Chair: The Lifeform Ultimate Story

Like many of you, I spend more than a fair amount of time at my desk/computer. Also, like many of you, I have "experienced" my share of office "chairs." After years of lower back pain and women being less than impressed with my office chairs, i decided it was time to invest. What subsequently followed was a grand journey through the world of ergonomics, deep contour seats, and maxed out credit cards.



Let me cut to the chase for the impatient out there. I ended up with the Lifeform Ultimate Executive Chair (with separate headrest, of course). It was, in my experience, the best overall chair I tested. No if's and's or but's about it. Best, bar none. No disclaimer of, "well for some of you..." or even "I could see how in different applications..." Nope. Lifeform = Best. For those of you interested in how I spent almost 6 months trying to find an office chair, please read on. For those who party/go to business school, please feel free to leave now and make Happy Hour/the super-important "networking event."

My Road of Chairs:

Recaro Commander


I mean...did you expect me to be able to resist a chair called The Commander? The Commander is a baller of a chair that is meant for, well, Commanders. Police Chiefs, Command Post Operators, Kings, etc. Basically it is meant for 24/7 use. Recaro has an illustrious history of making some very important seats and chairs. Their clients include Aston Martin, Bentley, and numerous law enforcement agencies. The Commander is their top of the line. It is one beast of a chair. I'm not a small person (actually reasonably large) and I had trouble moving this thing. Once you get it into position, it's there. No baby shifting going on here. It also is one of the hardest chairs I have ever sat in. I mean, hard. It's built Tonka Tough. If you have rock-hard glutes or just enjoy the comfort of sitting on asphalt, i would recommend this chair. If not...you might want to pass. That said, they do have a 30 day, no questions asked return policy and the customer service department was top-notch. Maybe I am being too hard on the Recaro. Maybe. I assure you I really wanted to like it (remember it is called The Commander) but alas it just wasn't what I was looking for. Did I mention the chair was $3,100? Moving on...


Body Bilt Executive Chair


Yep, definitely not as fun a name as The Commander. This company prides itself on customization. And they aren't messing around; you can customize everything from the arm rests to the casters. The problem is, when you're done customizing, you get a chair that's just merely OK. Doesn't look or feel special. It just is...OK. At close to $2,000 I want better than just OK.

HermanMiller Aeron Chair


The Granddaddy of ergonomic chairs. You can't go into an expensive office and not see one of these little mesh bad-boys hanging around like they own the place. Truth be told...the chair is fine. It didn't wow me and I felt some Office Depot knockoff's that had a similar feel for $800 less. That said, it's small, lightweight, has a small footprint, and is fairly comfortable. Not bad for a small office environment. It will set you back a little more than a grand.

Humanscale Freedom Task Chair


Weird chair but interesting. It actually grew on me but the armrests were so painfully bad it wasn't even an option. I don't know what they were thinking or what they were trying to accomplish but the armrests are practically useless. If you need a chair to just sit in the corner and never use at a desk then by all means grab this chair. Runs about $1,100.

Lifeform Ultimate High Back (with headrest)


Now we're talking. This chair is like sitting on a soft buttery pillow. Which sounds off but I suggest you try it. It is firm and soft in the right spots. I ordered my chair with deep brown harness leather which is some high-quality stuff. Extremely soft, smooth, and it looks fantastic. Superficial point alert: when you buy something expensive, it's nice when it actually looks expensive. Some of these other chairs look like you could pick them up for $200 at Staples. NOTE: that is not knocking chairs from Staples. It is knocking chairs that are asking prices 15 times more than the Staples chair. End point, the Lifeform looks great.

The Lifeform can be adjusted in practically every way imaginable. Armrests even tilt toward you so your arms are supported when you are using a keyboard. It took about 10 minutes to get the chair to my liking. With practically every other chair I have used, it hits me somewhere on my body. Thigh, lower back, upper back, etc which forces me to get up every now and then. Annoying and not exactly productive. This chair just feels right.

There are a fair amount of models in the Lifeform series and this one was by far my favorite but I also liked the midback version if you don't want a headrest. Personally, leaning all the back and having a headrest is pretty nice and recommended. My final note is that my exact chair comes in their fabric (called Dreamweave) and it is unbelievably comfortable (not to mention much cheaper). Not going to lie, the fabric version doesn't look as good but it's every bit as comfortable (arguably even softer) and also is highly recommended.

This is not a chair that you throw away after a year or two. This is a chair you keep for the rest of your life. It moves with you. Is it expensive? Holy American Express yes it is. Is it worth it in my opinion? 100% yes. You spend a fair amount of your life in your bed and your office chair. Might as well enjoy the time spent.




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When 30" is just not big enough...

I am a man who believes in moderation. Usually. There is one thing, however, that has made my life somewhat more enjoyable and that is getting a larger computer monitor. A 30" to be exact. Now this monitor by itself borders on embarrassingly large. But if you're already being ridiculous, why stop there?


Yep, that's right...three monitors. A 30" in the middle with two 19" monitors flanking in portrait mode. More than 4 feet of screen real estate. Have a word document, an excel spread sheet, iTunes, buddy list, and your internet browser open at the same time. Minimizing windows is overrated. Drag windows off to the side between monitors, have a photo open while talking to a friend, check google maps while your email is open, or just huddle next to the three monitors for warmth.

Multiple Displays are not just for the uber nerd anymore. Even the NYTimes reports a "productivity increase by up to 30% with a dual display." And who are we to argue with the NYTimes? Read more here.

Some more photos for your perusal:






Yes, that is 6 internet browser windows open at the same time.


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Arrogance vs Confidence: Round 1

I believe there is a giant misconception concerning Arrogance and Confidence. A respected friend of mine recently asked me, "why is every guy either extremely insecure or incredibly cocky?" Of course i had to ask which camp i fell under and she responded with very little hesitation. "you're not cocky...but you're pretty arrogant." I suppose there is a difference.


I won't use this time to debate which gender/sex is more insecure (women)* or argue that being cocky is just another form of insecurity (it is). What I rather think about is why confidence is so often confused with arrogance and vice-a-versa. I don't feel there is anything wrong with someone being cognizant of their own abilities. If anything, i think it is far worse if someone is unaware or oblivious to their abilities.

If someone is actually a unique/special person (must be nice for them) then why is it bad if they recognize it? It's nice to have a romantic image of that fantastic person saving the world while staying humble and crediting his lazy friend but we all know that lazy friend just sat there and talked about redwoods and astronauts.** In short, there is nothing wrong accepting that you are better than other people are some things. The potential for wrong-doing occurs with the actions you take with that knowledge.

If you know you are smarter than other people, then embrace it. Don't rub it in their faces. If you're blessed with good looks (again, must be nice), accept, appreciate them, and then move onto bettering yourself in other ways.

Yes, it's a fine line between arrogance and confidence...but there is a line.

*both women and men are insecure. women just slightly more so if only because men lack the energy to think of all the things women think about that increases insecurity. We can't possibly think about how our co-worker is still a size 4 (i mean, she works the same hours and it's just her genes and...is that the new Jacobs bag?!) AND what time the game starts Eastern Time. Just can't do it.

**inside joke, ask Tom K.
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iPhoned Out

So I've spent the past week or so playing with our good friend the iPhone and since i know what's best for you let me sum it up:

If you already own a new Treo or Blackberry, keep it. Wait for the iPhone2.

If you are using a "basic" phone and you have yet to purchase an Apple Nano, get the iPhone.

If you are using a "basic" phone AND you have an Apple Nano AND you have an extra $630 lying around, get the iPhone.

Otherwise, save your money, play with your friends.



Quick Notes:

1. YouTube on the iPhone is fairly addicting and looks extremely impressive.
2. You actually are able to watch p0rn so i am sure that thousands of boys/men everywhere will be causing trouble. If you ever see a guy staring intently at his iphone screen in landscape mode...
3. keyboard is much better than you expect. Takes a week to get just as fast as my treo/blackberry
4. battery life is acceptable.
5. screen gets dirty. cleans easily enough though.
6. it will get people to talk to you.


As always, if you have any questions/comments on the iPhone, post a comment.

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Mobio...you're new friend

File this under the header of "just trust me and download this application to your phone." Pretty slick stuff. Download here or point your mobile phone's web browser to www.getmobio/com/now

Here's a little more about the program:

The Fun, Useful, FREE mobile software you download

At Mobio, we know that it’s a cruel world out there and often the only thing standing between you and total chaos or complete boredom is your mobile phone. Thankfully, you’ve got Mobio.

With GetMobio on your mobile you can:

* Make reservations at the latest restaurants*
* Find out what’s happening where - concerts, bands, comedy clubs
* Buy movie tickets - and skip right over the line*
* Beat the $4.00/gallon gas blues with our newest widget -"Cheap Gas”
* Never get lost again - a map is always right there for you
* Put over 50+ applications, widgets, and RSS feeds at your fingertips and at your service

CoolSlice Recommended


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Peerflix: DVD Tradin' for the masses

If you're anything like me (congrats), you have built up a nice little dvd collection over the years. College and life thereafter made it necessary. You have probably purchased and been given as gifts some dvd's that, how shall i put it, are awful and you would never watch. What do to? Simple: trade 'em for something better with Peerflix.


Peerflix runs on a simple concept: people have dvd's that other people want. You quickly sign up (100% free), add all the dvd's you want to get rid of to your "I Have" list (took me about 5 minutes to add 60 dvd's), and then add dvd's to your "I Want" list. Peerflix then matches people who "Want" with people who "Have." When people request one of the dvd's you "Have" then you print a pre-filled out mailer from Peerflix, drop in your unwanted dvd, and slip it to your mailman. That's it. Pretty slick.

When people "buy" your dvd's you build up "trade cash." This trade cash is then automatically used to buy the dvd's on your "I Want" list. So far, i have sold about 10 of my dvd's for $94. Not bad for movies that i never take out of their casing. Especially since i now have some movies that i would actually watch coming my way.

Peerflix
Pros: best way to upgrade your dvd collection
Cons: people might not want all of your dvd's and you may want dvd's that no one else has (or wants to sell)

Bottom Line: Check out Peerflix. Definitely CoolSlice recommended.


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Save My Ass

Well it was only a matter of time. Combine the fact that men are lazy beasts with the fact that we are forgetful, lazy beasts and it comes as little shock that we may forget "important" dates on the relationship/hormonal calendar. Not our fault. Blame genetics, SportsCenter, beer, or that extra 7 pounds of "water weight" you just cannot manage to get rid of. Either way, enter our savior: SaveMyAss.



From the words of SaveMyAss: "SaveMyAss is a flower delivery service/relationship insurance policy. We send flowers to your girlfriend or wife on a regular basis."

Now, I have been blessed with caring for my significant others and cherish the opportunity to spoil them with a random gift just to say, "thanks for putting up with me for 3/6/12 months" or "thank you for letting me pass on the family BBQ" or "just thanks for making the bed" (it's like you glue the corners down or something). But for the rest of the male species (yes, we are a different species) SaveMyAss could be ass-saving. It truly could be a set-it-and-forget-it service.

I see one small, tiny, possibly hilarious (to me) issue. What if you break up with someone yet forget to cancel the service? You break a poor girls heart and then 1 month later she gets a beautiful bouquet. "He loves me again!" Uh oh. On the other hand, she dumps your ass (probably because you sent her too many damn flowers) and 1 month later she gets even more flowers. "He still f'in loves me. What a loser!" she says as she makes love to her new boyfriend, Snake.

Anyways, i would love to know if anyone has used or would ever think about using this product/service.


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Cinco de Mayo: Free alcohol? Yes please

Thrillist put together a nice little drinkin' tour for all you NYC'ers. Check it out here. Because isn't that what Cinco de Mayo is all about? Going on an Upper East Side Wine Tour? Yes. Yes it is.


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Cardroom Supply (Sponsored Review)

You wanna get your poker face on? Go all in with 4-6 in the pocket? Take your friends honda civic? Yes, we all do. Well it's a little tough to do that without any poker gear. Check out one of the better sites i've come across: Cardroom Supply.


Cardroom has been featured in FHM, Men's Health and now of course, the creme de la creme, CoolSlice (so it has to be good). They have great customer service, FREE shipping over $100, and most importantly, a TON of equipment to suit even the most avid card shark.

Their products range from the inexpensive to the very expensive. Don't pretend you don't want that $6,000 table that will take up your entire studio apt. Also, check out their chip collection--if you can't find what you want then you probably don't know what you want.

Poker Tables:

You can view Cardroom Supply's Poker Tables here. Personally, if space was an issue, I'd get a 2 in 1 table that had both a "poker side" and a normal table side like this one or if you really want to piss your significant other off, this one. There really is nothing like playing on a real poker table, with real chips, and big solid cupholders. It makes losing your month's salary to your brother-in-law just that much easier to swallow.

In the end, if you're in the market for some game equipment, check out Cardroom Supply. I'm sure they will have something that will further feed your addiction.

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Egypt's 'Dr. Ruth': Muslims need better sex

Well...i have to give this woman the CoolSlice Courage Award. Fairly impressive--maybe they are all just sexually frustrated?
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New Logo

Like the title says...CoolSlice has a new logo. Thought it was worth mentioning.




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Respect or Love?

I was recently perusing a fantastic, uber blog from an ultra cool journalist (A Cup of Jo) and came across an interesting statement/thought: If people had to choose between being loved or being respected, almost all men would choose to be respected (and unloved) and almost all women would choose to be loved (and not respected). Interesting...



So...just to make sure i understand correctly...women would be loved and disrespected yet men would be respected and unloved? So...nothing would be changed in the world? I kid, i kid...

well, slightly...

Men equate love and respect whereas women have kind of accepted the whole lack of respect thing so it's not even on the table. But love is a real viable option so when given the choice between a fictional dream and something that may actually occur, i feel they will pick love 10 out of 10. I kid, I kid...

well, slightly...

Men of course are mostly dead inside so love is off the table for them and respect is always nice. Though i wonder if we ask men a similar question and just substitute anything for respect like, "would you rather have a turkey sandwich or be loved?" they might take that sandwich and run. I mean...our mommy's will always love us so we're all good.

In all seriousness though, how can you be respected and be unloved by everyone? Is that even possible? "Well, yea, i respect John but dammit, i do not love him and im not sure anyone could love him because....he beats puppies with dead babies?" I mean, what could he do to garner your respect but ensure that no one loves him?

Now on the other hand, i feel it is much easier to be loved and never respected since love is based more on your emotions and you can easily trick yourself into love whereas respect comes from a more thoughtful, conscious space.

In the end, i would have to pick True Love. It was good enough for Wesley and Buttercup.
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Antec MX-1 Review

Despite it's ever-so-sexy name and it's undeniably attractive main feature (an external SATA hard drive enclosure), the Antec MX-1 is best of breed and worthy of your hard earned/stolen cash.



As some of you know, I get paid to review tech products. A sweet gig for someone who enjoys technology when i get to play around with a new TV, video game console, smartphone, etc. Sometimes, on the other hand, something like the Antec MX-1 shows up on my doorstep. An external hard drive enclosure? Really? I barely could contain my excitement but like the diligent reviewer that i am, I carried the large box up to get to work.

Basically, this thing is a box that holds a hard drive (a thing where you store all your music/documents/movies/programs/etc). What's nice about it, is that it is portable. Want to bring your entire music and movie collection over to a friends place? Done. Want to copy files to and from work? Done.

They were nice enough to send me Seagate's relatively new 7200.10 750gb monster hard drive with the Antec MX-1. For uninitiated (read: cool people), this hard drive can hold roughly 170,000 Mp3's, 1200 ripped dvd movies, and about 89 million word documents. In other words, booyah.

Installation was fairly simple and took me about 10 minutes. There were some annoyingly placed small screws that i was sure Antec made purely to anger me but once those were vanquished, the installation was fairly smooth. The construction and build quality of this enclosure is top notch and even has a large, active cooling fan to keep all of your saved Mp3's cool and under control.



The "cool" thing about the MX-1 one is that you can hook it up to your computer in two ways (choices are fun): USB 2.0 or ESATA. USB should be familiar to anyone who has plugged their iPod into their computer but ESATA is probably known only in the closed circles of uber-nerdom. In short, it is an extremely fast interface to connect peripherals to and alleviates the main problem of external hard drives: they are too slow to use for programs and sometimes just too slow in general if you are moving a massive amount of files. ESATA is literally like adding another internal hard drive to your computer--there is (almost) zero performance decrease when using an ESATA enclosure+drive compared to an internal drive. I copied 80gb of movies to the Antec MX-1 in under 23 minutes (in Vista). Just in case you don't know, that's fast.

Of course, ESATA is only an option on relatively newer desktop computers (laptops need not apply) but if you have the luxury of having purchased a desktop computer in the last year and a half, there is a very good chance that you can connect this drive via ESATA. Worst case scenario you hook it up to your computer using the still capable (and speedy) USB 2.0.

If you have an ESATA port (or SATA internally) on your desktop, just buy the Antec MX-1 and a roomy hard drive to go with it. If you are not blessed with access to ESATA, i would still recommend this enclosure if you're someone who likes the best (plus it gives you the option of going ESATA in the future).

Bottom Line: CoolSlice.com Highly Recommended

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Get yo dock on

Slick dock without overpaying for a Mac. View a pic of what i'm jabberin about (and another with no taskbar) and then download here. Works real nicely with my previous post, Expose.

Quick tips: right-click (yea, PC users have a right-click) anywhere on the dock and choose "screen positioning" and then your preferred placement of the dock (i like on the bottom...for the dock). Right click again and choose "dock settings," hit the "General" tab and check "run at startup", "minimize windows to the Dock" and "running application indicators."


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Mac users have nothing on us...

So, your alternative friend who loves the environment, drives a Ford Focus, and "really understands where Picasso was coming from" owns a $2500 mac laptop. Yep, that's how much they cost with software, warranty, taxes, and shipping. surprise! Anyways, i am not mac bashing (i have a few) but they are overpriced style whores and i do love to bring down the mac elites any chance i can. There is a little program on Mac OSX called expose that at a press of a button, instantly makes all of your open windows/programs available as a selection of smaller tiles. Admittedly, fairly cool. Well, Vista is out and we can do it do. So ha.

Note: it is actually incredibly smooth, just jerky when i had to upload it.


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Valentines "Day"?

It's not really just one day is it? It seems like it is a month long anvil resting ever so painfully on top of every human being.

Once Jan 14th hits it starts to creep on people that this vicious day called Valentines Day is fast approaching. For some, it actually might be exciting. Maybe you just got into a relationship and you still have those endorphins pumping. Maybe you have a big trip planned. Or finally maybe you are just off a little bit (you have T-Mobile?). Either way, good for you.

For the rest of us, Valentines Day is nothing but trouble. It ranks up there with New Years. Big Expectations, even Bigger Letdowns. For those that have relationships, you are being watched like a hawk circling a small shrew (read: intently). What do you have planned? Nothing? Just a romantic dinner where you try to be scintillating/attractive? G'luck. And do you love him/her more on just that day? That's not a good sign.

"yea, i really want to break up with her but, i just can't man. Valentines Day is coming."
"Um. So is Lincoln's birthday."
"I'm not having sex with Lincoln."
"Well played. Either way, you think it's better to have an extremely romantic Valentines Day and THEN break her heart?"
"It gives me another few weeks to think which city i will move to."
"well played again."

For the ones without relationships, it seems the worst. What the hell are we supposed to do while you shrew's are having expensive dinners and eating those candy hearts that taste like salted cardboard? Well we still eat the hearts because...i don't know why actually. They really are painfully bad. Moving on...

I won't go into the classic rhetoric of Hallmark creating an American holiday just to make more money. That would be too easy. BUT...The Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year behind Christmas. The association estimates that women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines (that's a shocker--I wonder how many of those women send the valentines to themselves?).

In the end, the grass is always greener. People in relationships who aren't crazy about their significant other want to smack St. Valentine in his face. Inflation is a bitch and back in his day, you could always steal some chocolate from a Dutchmen (they are always neutral/won't fight back and plan on getting chocolate-jacked). Nice player-hatin, Valentine.

People who are not in relationships feel this sudden loneliness bury into their very core. It's annoying. It's like watching a baby try and stand up for an hour. Just f'in do it, already. Baby.

Whatever camp you are in, just remember it is one day amongst many. Personally, i will be throwing those little edible styrofoam hearts at dutch people.
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Women love clothes more than sex

Not really a shocker but someone now has numbers to back it up. Next study: men love sex more than the women they have sex with.


NEW YORK, Feb 5 (Reuters Life!) - For most women, the choice between sex and a new wardrobe is simple -- they go for the clothes.

Women on average say they would be willing to give up sex for 15 months for a closet full of new apparel, with 2 percent ready to abstain from sex for three years in exchange for new duds, according to a new survey of about 1,000 women in 10 U.S. cities.

Sixty-one percent of women polled said it would be worse to lose their favorite article of clothing than give up sex for a month.

"Some people say clothes make the man, but the right clothes can even replace him," fashion designer, stylist and TV personality Carson Kressley from the reality TV show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" said in a statement accompanying the poll.

The study also suggested that clothes often wear better than relationships.

The average woman between 18 and 54 years of age has hung on to her favorite article of clothing for 12 and a half years, a year longer than she's held on to her longest relationship.

Almost three-quarters of respondents, or 70 percent, also said they believed in love at first sight when it came to finding the perfect article of clothing, while only 54 percent of women were as confident in spotting the right man.

Nearly half of the women, or 48 percent, taking part in the survey by consumer products giant Unilever said their favorite article of clothing was more reliable than their man in giving them confidence and making them feel sexy.

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For your listening pleasure...

Two new ways to be better at life (at least in regards to music):

FIQL
A very slick playlist site that is very is easy to use/browse.

MusicIP
Small program can automatically make smooth/baller playlists out of your mp3 library. Worth checkin' out.

Truth.
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A saucy misunderstanding

LONDON, Dec 1 (Reuters Life!) - Nearly two-thirds of Britons think the fiery Italian sauce Arrabiata is a sex infection, according to a survey on Friday.

The survey, of 1,015 people and released on World AIDS day, also showed nearly half were unable to identify a range of common sexual complaints.

"What is very worrying is the lack of knowledge about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) revealed in the survey," said sex therapist Emily Dubberley.

"Sixty-three percent in the UK thought an Italian sauce was an STD and over 43 percent couldn't identify any of the common sexual complaints we asked about.

"This ignorance has no excuse in today's world."

The survey, conducted by pollsters MYVOICE, also found that 48 percent of respondents found body odor and poor personal hygiene a turn off against just 4 percent who felt the same about a refusal to wear a condom.

The poll also found that 35 percent of people looked for information about sex on the Internet against 27 percent who consulted magazines.

In contrast only 4 percent went to their doctors.

Wow. They could have just come to me and I would have gladly shared all the secrets of sex and all the fun things/people that come from it. Always a good talk.
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Beauty vs. Intelligence

Age old question: are pretty people stupid? Well, yes, usually. But that's somewhat off topic. A study was done on the Rothschild Family, arguably one of the most famous, powerful families this world has ever known. The study found that the Rothschild men in the late 1700's were notoriously ugly. Just plain ugly. But that's nothing a few billion dollars and some hot women can't fix, right?

The family founders, in 18th-century Frankfurt, were supremely ugly, but several generations later, after successive marriages to supremely beautiful women, the men in the family were indistinguishable from...well...really, really good looking people.

The Rothschild effect, as you could call it, is well established in sociology research: Men everywhere want to marry beautiful women, and women everywhere want socially dominant (i.e., intelligent) husbands. When competent men marry pretty women, the couple tends to have children above average in both competence and looks. Sweet deal.

So the good news is that there is hope if you're a socially dominant male or a really attractive female. Hmmm...shocking isn't it?
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Men vs. Women

Are men and women different? A study from UCSF seems to think so. The study researched the average number of words men and women used per day. Well, without further ado:

women: 2100 words/day

interesting.

Men: 700 words/day.

Ha. Very interesting. So do women talk too much or do men not talk enough? Both?
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Casino Royale: Best Movie Ever Made...?

Well, no. Casablanca and Citizen Kane are safe but Bond is definitely back...and he's arguably better than ever.

Bond: "Vodka Martini."
Bartender: "shaken or stirred, sir?"
Bond: "Do I look like I give a damn?"


Even his classic drink gets a rough twist in this movie about how Bond became...well, Bond. You see Bond get his "OO" status. I won't give any spoilers here and this won't even be a full review (since there are glut online right now) but I will give you my final word on the movie: it was worth the wait.

I felt like a kid again watching this movie. I know that's corny and "lame" and "explains a lot about me" and "probably shouldn't have been said" but there it is. I had to physically remember to stop smiling during the movie like a drunk baby. It was just fun. There were some slow parts but in the end, there was just enough action and just enough actual plot (which was simple but effective).

It was fun to see Bond not always having the perfect line. Being a little rough around the edges. Trying on a tux for the first time and being surprised about how good it looked. Getting his ass kicked and actually showing some worse for wear the next day. You could actually sympathize with this Bond...he wasn't some invincible, playboy. He was just a really, really tough playboy.

In short: it is a fun movie. That's it. Fun, enjoyable, worth your hard earned cash. Done and done.

Oh, quick sidenote: the women are fairly spectacular. It also has one of most impressive chases (on foot) I have ever seen. Just throwin' that out there.
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Parea: No Pariah, Perhaps A Greek Messiah

My other possible title was "Parea: It's All Greek to Me" but well, I just didn't go that route.

Read my full review here

Parea has a clean, slick dining room that is fairly spacious (for NYC); trendy but not over the top. The Greek-American menu is excellent and I could not find a bad dish. The whole snapper for two was served boneless with olive oil marinated onions--beautiful, clean, and delicious. The menu is made for sharing with a group (Parea means "group of friends") though two people on a date will do just as well. The kitchen and service ran like a well oiled Star Jones down a ice chute: smooth and fast. Our waiter was attentive, helpful, and was quick to offer suggestions from off the menu. Though on the weekends, the Flatiron dining room gurgles with Douchy McDouchealots, Parea is a welcome alternative to the trendy Japanese gastrocaverns that seem pandemic in the city.
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You're not important enough yet...but who cares?

So you love your precious RAZR cell phone with its 25 minute battery life, smashing good looks, and unbelievable fragility. Who wouldn't? That all said, if you're hankering for a new phone that looks good AND is actually functional, check out the new Treo 680 from Cingular. But you whine, "I'm on T-Mobile!" And that's very nice for you and the three other people on T-Mobile but this is just for Cingular (for now).



Basically this is a full-fledged powerful Treo but roughly half the width and without that bulky antenna that just didn't fit well in Tom's leather pants. If you have been waiting to get a smartphone (contacts, calendar, tasks, email, and phone all in one place) but want something a little more substantial than the Moto Q...I would put the Treo 680 on your short list.

Oh and it also comes in different colors...




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Attraction...

So I was talking with my friends (yes I have some) and I asked if they ever started liking someone they originally did not. The general consensus was "stop jordan, we're trying to drink" but some actually shared their thoughts.



"Nope. I either like her or don't. I mean...she hot? I like her. She rough? Then no." My friend, the poet.

I've always been quick to judge my attraction. I feel you know whether or not their is potential fairly quickly and that original potential may grow (or shrink) but you can never go from believing there is no potential to actually being attracted to someone (at least for me). That's why I never got guys who chased after girls (or vice-a-versa). You think you're going to catch them off guard one night? Though what do i know since some of those persistant guys actually end up with their sought after women. Just not my style. If they aren't feeling it, they aren't feeling it. Like the Kier motto: "Man...it's her loss. Let's go drop $500 at Pink Elephant and feel like beta's* next to european soccer stars/models."

So what's the deal? Is it different for everyone? Are guys just more superficial and thus can reach a "conclusion" with greater ease than women who may involve personality into the argument?

I'm curious...who has said to themselves, "wow, not a chance in hell, nope, i'd have to be Alpha Phi drunk to hook up with him/her" and then what do you know, you hook up/start dating that person?

I'll give a red iPod nano to the first five people who respond**

*the concept of not being the leader in a room/jason and jordan in St Tropez. In other words, not the "alpha's."

**expect in 60-70 years.

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Simon L.A. Review

I appreciate any restaurant that gives me a pound of cotton candy, especially in Los Angeles' new diet craze of women trying to get back to their birth weight.

Read my review here.


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DealBreaker

My good friend (yep, i actually have one) took me to a great party promoting the Mojo block of programming on InHD (a HD TV channel. Never heard of it? Then you're just not In). Either way, it was a hot party (Christian Slater AND Carmen Electra were there...i mean, that's a party). Of course the best part was that some pics of yours truly was taken by a popular Wall Street website, DealBreaker.com. Click here and scroll down to check out the pics


So of course not only did the party have a full house of some of the most beautiful people in NYC, it had amazing free food, alcohol, and other fun things to keep ya busy. Roll your own sushi with Megu, get a free shave, get poker lessons from a pro, take a drink at the Dare Bar (yep, had a shot of Viper Rum that had a snake in the bottle--in retrospect, not my smartest move), play with a grenade launcher, and even go to the champagne tasting room. Did I mention Christian Slater was there? Oh I did? And you still don't care? Clearly you haven't seen the Robin Hood: Extended Edition where Kevin Costner actually speaks with a British accent.
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Patriot Act Workin' in Overdrive

I'm sorry but this is hilarious. A 14 year old girl who describes herself as "peace loving...I mean look at my backpack, it has a heart on it!" wrote that she wanted to kill the President on her MySpace page. Yeah, good idea babe. All went well until the Secret Service showed up at her house.

My favorite part? Her mom texted her, "There are two men from the secret service that want to talk with you. Apparently you made some death threats against president bush."

"Are you serious!?!? omg. Am I in a lot of trouble?" her daughter responded.

You fuckin' TEXT that to your daughter?! Don't ya think this situation deserves a phone call? And the little peace loving strumpet WROTE BACK via text message. If I got a text message saying there were secret service at MY HOUSE I would be slightly more inclined to call back and see what's what. That's just me and my above canine intelligence, though.

You can read more here.
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I'm so clever...

Well maybe you have already thought of this but to be honest, I just figured it out and it made me happy. Read on...


So you decided to spend your hard earned money on something from a local store. Good choice. Well for whatever reason you want to return it. Fine. One problem: the person working there who dropped out of high school in order to raise her 5 illegitimate children won't give you a refund. It's her cute way of saying, "i don't like white people." Well I for one will never let a little racism get in the way of me having my money returned. Let's use my current example:

Jordan purchases something at a big electronic store. Let's call it Circuit City in Union Square, NYC and hypothetically lets call the manager on duty, Princess. Yes...her name was Princess.

After 10 days of use, Jordan doesn't want said item anymore so he decides to bring it back and return it for a full refund. Jordan thinks this shouldn't take more than 20-30min. So naive, Jordan. So naive. You see, Jordan didn't know that Princess would be on duty and be a waste of space. Easy mistake. Moving on.

Jordan fights valiantly with Princess but she won't budge (literally...she's 450lbs) and insists that she can only offer Jordan store credit on this particular item.

After much internal deliberation Jordan accepts the Princess of the sea cow's store credit offer even though he is completely entitled to have a full refund since he has the original receipt, the item is in mint condition, and he is fairly good looking. Jordan has a plan.

Jordan takes the store credit and then immediately goes and buys something with it in the store. Anything will do, just as long as it is more than the amount of credit he has.

Jordan then proceeds to take the item he just purchased over to his good friend, Princess. Of course other stations are available to help him but he feels that Princess is worth the wait.

"Princess, my good friend," Jordan begins. "I want to return this item for a full refund. Please."
"But..." Princess stammers, "you just bought it! It's not even opened!"
"I know, weird, right? Either way, I don't want it. But you know what i do want? You know what I want, Princess. I want a full refund. Please."

Long story short, she has another baby and I get my full refund. What a happy ending.

Little summary: if a store ever refuses to give you a full refund for a certain product because it is opened or used or for whatever reason, just take the store credit, buy something else with the store credit and then return that new product for a full refund. Bam, problem solved.

Am i an evil person for doing this? Well, no, not just because of this. But I firmly believe that the customer is always right. Don't make me wait for an hour and then blather that you "can't do anything." Of course you CAN do something, but you won't. Either because you lack the mental capacity or because your acrylic nails are 12ft long and you can't hit the enter button on your keyboard. Either way...I am displeased and will seek restitution.

Truth.
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Record Movies from YouTube, Google Video, etc

So you saw something funny on YouTube and you want to record it and copy to your computer, iPod, etc? You're in luck.

1. First follow this tutorial on how to download the video you want.

2. Now we have to get it out of that nasty "flv" format and into something your iPod can recognize.

3. Purchase (yes, you need to buy things for once in your life) the best converter: Replay Converter. It is fast, stable, and full of fun features like ripping a dvd to your computer so you can watch it on the plane without the actual disc. Good stuff.

4. Once you purchase and install Replay Converter, just run the program, load the file you downloaded from YouTube and then choose your ouput format. Obviously choose the "iPod" output format if you want it on your iPod.

Enjoy!
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The Best Steak You Can't Afford

Gridskipper Review

Restaurant Review: Cut

Bottom Line: If you are one of the lucky few to snag a reservation at this steakhouse on trendy-steroids, I suggest you do so immediately.

Cut, Wolfgang Puck’s new tribute to our bovine pals, is without a doubt pure Los Angeles (for better or worse). It’s sexy, hard to get into, littered with celebs, and carries a hefty price tag. What’s not to like?

The room is large, sleek, and modern; perfect for a family dinner, special occasion, or even a 2nd date (choose someone worthy). Service was helpful, informative, and unobtrusive.

Start off with the unique Bone Marrow Flan with Mushroom Pate (trust me), move onto the succulent, melt in your mouth 8oz Kobe rib eye (for $160 it better be), add a side of parmesan French fries, and finish your gastronomic adventure with a chocolate soufflé.

Is it the best steakhouse in L.A.? No. Is it worth the wallet gouging price tag? Probably not. Do I want to go back as soon as possible? Absolutely…why, you buying?
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Completely Off Limits, Or...

We've all probably been there: you're friend is dating someone who you find remotely attractive. In someways it makes perfect sense but is it a Fool's Errand, something that should be taken seriously, or something that should be avoided like a kick in the head? Let's talk...


First a quick note about the image above: i just thought it was funny. Moving on.

There are many schools of thought here and what I find most interesting is the discrepency between how girls and guys view this subject. Usually, if a girl breaks up with her boyfriend, he is completely, 100% off limits for the rest of her friends. Usually. This is a mostly due to the girlfriend bad mouthing him to such a degree that the other friends can't help but not like him. Of course this sometimes backfires cause then he is a forbidden fruit and is that much more tempting.

With guys, it is a tad different. Men view women as property (generally...not all guys just 99% of them). And they never sell the property, they will just abandon it and god help anyone who tries to build on their abandoned property. "I just left it, man! Just cause I don't want it doesn't mean you can have it. Back off."

Some guys will mask it around a respect issue. "If you respected me, you wouldn't go out with her." He's really saying, "I don't want her with anybody not to mention I know how you treat women."

What is an odd twist of life, is that you are more than likely going to be attracted to who your friends are attracted to. With women this is not always the case cause they have no idea what the hell they are attracted to at any given point so this can flucuate. For most women, they are attracted to that guy who is currently giving them the most attention. For guys, friends usually like the same type of girl. Hot ones. Since our criteria is extremely loose and all she needs to be is "hot" in order to satisfy our criteria...well, that can cause some issues.

Personally, I have been very lucky and I have never been attracted to any girl that a friend has liked/dated/hooked up with. Not to mention...they hooked up with your friend. Doesn't exactly work my crank. Even if there was a girl, it all comes down to priority. Which do you value more? Your friendship or hooking up/dating this person? Cause that's what it comes down to in the end. My view is that you will have lots of girlfriends/boyfriends/people you date but you will only have a few close friends throughout your entire life. Make sure it's worth it (got that, Tom?).

One last point of interest is being friends with your friends girlfriend/boyfriend. Obviously you spend a lot of time with both of them but what happens with they break up? Do you sever all ties of communication? On one side, of course you do. It would piss your friend off if you kept talking to their ex. On the other side, if you do sever all ties then it blatantly says that I only spoke to you because you were dating my friend. So what if you actually like who were friend was dating, JUST as a friend, are you allowed to pursue a friendship with them? No, probably not.

Truth is, if you like them as a friend, you probably have some other feelings as well and those cannot be explored. Of course, if you actually do just like them as a friend AND your friend is cool with you still having contact with his ex, well then by all means try it out. I'm sure your friend will tell you it's pissing him off sooner or later. "Yeah man, let me call you back. Just talking to your ex about which club we are hitting up tonight." Yeah...try that one out. It really doesn't matter how superficial your relationship is with the ex-girl/boyfriend...it's gonna piss your friend off. The only loophole (that i know of) is being good friends with the person BEFORE your friend starts dating them. Then you can continue the friendship or at least have reason to.

So what have we concluded? Not much. All you can take away is err on the side of your friend. If your friend doesn't want you to have any contact, then don't have contact. If your friend doesn't want you to have sex with his ex-girlfriend, then you probably shouldn't. These are good rules to live by.

Anybody have a good story about this topic? Post a comment. Keep it PG-13 or higher.
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I'm Famous GridSkipper Style

The coolest travel website on the net is now cool enough to have a post by little ol' me. Check it out here


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Haha...the Razr sucks now

You think you're cool cause you have a sexy thin phone AKA the Moto Razr? Despite it's awful reception, fragility, and pathetic battery life, it has been one of highest selling cell phones...EVER. So how does it feel that your precious Razr is a downright fatty bo batty compared to the new Samsung? That's right, you feel awful. Go here for more info.


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Negotiation of Dating

Here's the intro to my 46 page thesis on The Negotiation of Dating. Is it funny? Not really. Worth reading? Probably not. I just felt like sharing.

Negotiation, definition: The act or process of dealing with another to reach an agreement.
Dating, definition: An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.

Two simple concepts seemingly unrelated, however, upon closer inspection, negotiation and dating have much in common. I would argue that dating is pure negotiation from the first meeting till the conclusion. For what is dating but two parties coming together in an attempt to reach an agreement?

Negotiating is one of the world’s oldest games, and if you want to play the game, you have to know the rules. (Richard Dawson, You can get anything you want but you have to do more than ask) Dating also is one of the world’s oldest pursuits more akin to a game with its own rules and players requiring negotiating through every step of the process.

In business when two parties are trying to reach an agreement they rarely want the exact same thing. Two potential daters do not want the same exact thing either. It is a process of understanding each party’s expectation, gathering as much data as possible about the other party, and then utilizing the data to reach an agreement and conclusion. In the world of finite resources, money in the business world and potential mates in the dating world, the competition for said resources is inevitable. Negotiation to acquire the limited resource becomes vital. In this paper, I will describe popular negotiation techniques and apply them to the stages of dating. I will show that dating, much like business is a constant negotiation.

There are two distinct negotiation techniques set forth by Roger Fisher/ William Ury and Jim Camp. They represent two very different ideas on how negotiation should be handled. Camp feels that one should “start with no” while Fisher/Ury believe that one should always aim for a “win-win” negotiation. Camp on the other hand feels like no one truly wins in a “win-win” negotiation. These two schools of thought are reflected in the way business people approach negotiating with certain individuals entering negotiations with a collegial, collaborative “win-win” approach and other individuals pursuing negotiations with a cutthroat “it’s me or you” viewpoint. Dating is similar in that some individuals approach dating as a conquest with a definite winner in each encounter. In contrast, there are individuals who feel that dating is a “win-win” negotiation and that both parties can be happy with the outcome.

Fisher states, “[negotiation] is a back-and-forth communication designed to reach an agreement when you and the other side have some interests that are shared and others that are opposed.” This certainly describes dating in that often there are common interests and goals and at the same time two individuals may have envisioned different end points and conclusions. For a simple example, when deciding on where to go to dinner on a first date, you both may be hungry, a shared interest; however you both may want completely different foods and dining experience which would be opposed interests. As In business, it is sometimes hard to arrange the first meeting place to be a desirable one for both parties. One is usually at some disadvantage. It is the same when meeting someone for the first time. You may be at her best friend’s birthday party where she is in a place of power and confidence due to the fact of being surrounded by her closet allies. Your only ally may be flirting with someone near the punch bowl. Negotiation is necessary to facilitate even the first meeting in a dating situation.

First Stage: Clarifying Objectives

This is arguably the most important stage because it literally sets the stage for the rest of the relationship. Because of this importance, people usually become nervous and create tension in the first meeting. This tension is not always a bad thing but it should be avoided if possible. In the first meeting, usually one of the parties has to make the first move or start the conversation. Some might advise you to confidently stride up to your “opponent” and begin talking. Others might advise you to completely ignore your opponent and try to make them come to you. The key in a dating negotiation is to clarify your objectives. Is this a one night date with no potential for another? Or possibly is this an individual in which spending more time is warranted?

Not only is it important to understand what you want from this encounter, it is critical to ascertain what the other person’s objectives are. Are they looking for a single date or a long term relationship? Is this a date that was engineered by a friend with no interest by the person sitting across from you? Is there an air of quiet desperation emanating from the person? Is the person receptive or wary? By recognizing and being alert to initial language and body cues it is possible to steer the evening to the conclusion that you desire.

Following the first opening comments, it is important to discover your date’s objectives without being too obvious about your interest. Even if your objectives and your date’s objectives are diametrically opposed it is essential to know and clarify what each party wants before proceeding. Though this is done without specifically drawing attention to your findings all future steps or missteps derive from this threshold inquiry and finding.

Second Stage: Information Gathering

Once it has been determined what each party is looking for in the evening, the next step is how to entice the other party to come to the conclusion you have already discovered. This next step is the information gathering stage where you learn everything you can about your date; needs, motivations, interests, and desires. Once armed with this information coupled with clarity on what each party’s objective is, negotiations can proceed with more satisfactory results. Without this valuable input you are at a considerable disadvantage with no clear idea on how to proceed successfully.

At all times you must keep the goals in mind. Though the power can appear to shift between the parties you must always retain true control of the situation. As Fisher/Ury point out “Don’t deduce their intentions from your fears.” In other words listen to what the other person is saying without playing any old tapes of your own fears and insecurities that could drown out important information about that person. If the last three dates have gone poorly don’t immediately assume that this date will also be an abject failure. Spend the time to learn about the person and pay attention to body language, speech nuances, and silence.

Body language becomes very important during this stage. Is the person fidgeting or playing with a straw, hair or napkin? Do they seem bored or anxious? Are they shifting in their seat or leaning toward you?
Are their eyes looking directly at you or do they look away when you ask a question? Is the person blinking frequently? Dawson states blinking sixty times a minute is not unusual however some people may blink only once
every five or six seconds. Notice if a person’s blinking rate changes rapidly. This can signal that the person is very alert to what you are saying or under a high degree of tension and may not be telling the truth. People who are lying or exaggerating generally are uncomfortable looking someone directly in the eyes. Body language is an important tool during this information gathering stage.

Third Stage: Closing the Deal

This is the agreement stage where a mutually satisfactory conclusion can be reached. Rushing to this stage before completing stage one and two rarely is satisfying and leaves both parties feeling cheated from the experience. The key is utilizing the information you have gathered in stage two coupled with the goals formed in stage one to reach the desired result in stage three. In reality, you are putting forth an offer and hoping to reach an agreement in this stage. The offer to your date must be attractive and compelling enough to engage his or her interest. The successful agreement may be to never see this person again, or in a more hopeful scenario, plan to date once again. As in negotiating it is important to control the outcome in stage three and appearing anxious or needy is certainly a deal breaker in business and in dating. The confident powerful “take it or leave it” attitude is going to score much higher during this third stage than a weak ineffectual approach.

Fourth Stage: Advanced Negotiation

Once the initial deal has been agreed upon, negotiation hardly lets up. As the relationship intensifies, so does the negotiations since each party has potentially more “skin in the game.” There can be seemingly insignificant discussions revolving around what to eat for dinner or a more important conversation about where the actual relationship is going. It is during these more important conversations where comfortable negotiations break down and friction occurs. It is very important at this stage to discover what your partner’s true interests are or you run the risk of ruining the relationship. Both parties’ interests must be aligned or there will be friction and most likely a break of the original agreement. At this point, you must either change your interests to match the other party or vice-a-versa.

Ethics and "Conclusion"

As with business, your reputation as an honorable and attractive person to interact with will follow you quite closely. One must remember that past actions can and will be held against one in the court of dating. Lying, cheating, and showing little respect for your partners will decrease your chances of entering another relationship. In short, it is wise to follow the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated.

The dating process is simply negotiation in its purest form; first stage of clarification of objectives, second stage of information gathering, and third stage of reaching an agreement and closing the deal.

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Apple kicks the music industry in the junk

Who has an iPod? Raise your hand. Oh good, all of you. Fantastic. Then you will know that iTunes charges 99 cents per song. You could also fathom that this pisses the music industry off. They want more cause they are greedy, greedy little spice monkeys.


From Gizmondo:

Ending a public catfight where Apple CEO Steve Jobs called various music industry types “greedy,” Apple has signed up again with four major record labels (Universal, Warner Music, Sony BMG and EMI), agreeing to continue selling individual songs for $.99 apiece.

The record companies fought the iTunes single-price concept, trying to push Jobs to charge higher prices for newer releases. Since iTunes holds 80% of the music downloads market, Apple is the 800-pound gorilla in that market. But then those downloads only account for 5% of the revenues of the recording industry behemoths, a number that’s reportedly in mid-explosion right about now.
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Playing Hard To Get

Ah the age old questions that plague all who have ever been single: Should I play hard to get? Why do people play hard to get? Why do I keep getting restraining orders? While I can't help Tom on the last one I think I might be of some help with the first two.

Background

Why do people even call it "playing" hard to get? Simple. It's a frickin' game. That's all it is. And you know the super special thing about games? People want to win them. You ever notice someone and think they are just alright but then someone says, "Whoa, I would totally hit that!" or in the case of a girl checking out a guy, "he looks like he could take care of me emotionally!" Same difference.

Is it our genetic nature to compete? It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out that people are more desirable if they are wanted by others but should there be a limit? I mean let's back up for a sec: just a few seconds ago you thought they were just OK. If your drunk friend didn't just soothingly say "i'd totally hit that" you would keep going on your life believing that she was just OK. Simple, right?

Attracting and Dating

Uh oh...you really like someone...you should go tell them right?? Sigh. Yes, you SHOULD but you can't. Well unless you enjoy masturbating and crying yourself to asleep (again). As stated above, people want people who are more desired by others and since you cannot have a big neon sign posted above your head listing how many people want you (trust me, I checked) you have to show it in another way. How you ask? By pretending that you have so many that you really just don't care if he/she gets away. But Jordan, that doesn't make any sense...I want her to get to like me by pretending that I am completely indifferent to her? In short, yes. Awful world, ain't it?

Now I am not saying that this is a slam dunk and that supermodel will finally like you when you treat her like she is the fat drunk girl at the party, but it might be the only chance you got. The truth is that when someone knows another person likes them, they feel secure in that fact. Security is not good. Doesn't excite people. It makes them calm and confident about themselves and since they are calm and confident what the hell are you doing thinking you have a chance with them? Fun circle, huh?

Whoa, whoa, whoa...slow your roll, J. I thought girls liked a guy to be confident and to speak his mind? Well yes and no. Girls like guys who are confident (read: cocky) because it makes them feel better about themselves when they are with a guy who acts like he's the coolest man on the planet. Because by definition, they are the girl who is out to dinner with the coolest man on the planet. But I digress. Being confident and speaking your mind works GREAT if you look like you belong on the cover of Abercrombie and Fitch. If not, don't roll up on them in a club like you are doing them a favor. Not recommended.

Well this is a fairly depressing article...is there any good news?

Yes! sort of...

Say you are more old fashioned and you don't find many people you're interested in. Say you finally find someone who makes you smile and you have a genuine crush on them. Say it's Tuesday (why not?). Should you play games with him/her? All depends. I'll be honest and tell you that I hate playing hard to get just for the sole reason that it works. "That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard, Jordan." Thanks, but it's true. When you don't call someone, when you practically forget they exist, they pursue you. A part of you is screaming, STOP IT. I don't deserve you coming after me. But alas, I digress again.

I feel if you actually find someone you are genuinely interested in (not just a hook up) make it known to them. Life is short. I'm not saying roses and candy but asking him/her out for a drink is fine. If they aren't feeling it, or get turned off by your "forwardness" then they don't like you as much as you like them. Simple. Maybe they like you enough to have a hookup relationship but you might not want that. So by not playing hard to get your success rating will most likely plummet but when you actually do succeed it will be well worth it. Think of it as an automatic weeding out system (whatever helps you sleep at night).

One last note: don't chase. People (mostly girls, but some guys) LOVE to be chased. Don't do it. Some people are shy/insecure and need you to come to them and show your cards first. That's fine but if you go on a date and they make it difficult to go on the next one (cancel, make up excuses), then just let him/her go. In short, they don't deserve to be chased by you.

Of course, you could always act like you couldn't care less about them (completely avoid them) and watch them probably come back but then that's just pure manipulation...and once again...I digress.

Happy Hunting.
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Fun with Ice Trays

I have turned the bane of my existance into something useful. Yes my friends, I am talking about my ice trays. Read how those worthless pieces of plastic can be turned into a sexy tool for the party host.

Pretend you actually go through with one of those parties you dream about during the finance meeting. Pretend that guy/girl actually shows up and you actually got his/her number rather than finding it at yellowpages.com. Now pretend all the beautiful people are showing up to your party, everything is laid out just so, the lighting is perfect, the food came out just right and is spread evenly throughout your 250sq ft studio, and that hottie you can't believe came is walking your way. So exciting...

She glides over (let's just say the hottie is a she) and she purrs that she wants a drink. Are you going to just hand her a red plastic cup with warm tonic and soda? Strong work, Romeo. As everybody knows, presentation is everything. If you show her that you can't even make her a decent drink, do you think she's going to let you try to take care of her? Well if you're hot, yes, you could give her tap water in a dixie cup but for the rest of us we need a little something to set us apart. Here's a cool trick to spice up any drink.

Step 1: Get a handful of small mint leaves, rosemary, cucumber, or whatever you wish. You can even use edible flowers.

2. Fill an ice cube tray half full of water. Place the tray in the freezer until the water freezes.

3. Remove the tray from the freezer and place one mint leaf/cucumber/rosemary sprig/flower in each of the individual ice cube cups. Top off with enough water to cover the object.

4. Return the item-filled ice cube trays to the freezer until the cubes are frozen.

5. Remove the cubes from the trays and either store in the freezer or use in beverages.

Suggestion: pair the ice cube with the drink. If you want to make diet coke more fun, put in some ice cubes filled with lime slices. If you want to make a vodka soda sexier put in a lemon ice cube. A mojito? Mint ice cube.

So now really all that's left is to engage her in a fun, entertaining conversation for the nex two hours that leads to a dinner date where you then have to continue to impress her and show her the time of her life. So no worries...once you hand her that special drink you're practically done. Ha.
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Slick Theme for Windows XP

I am a nerd. I am a computer consultant and I comfortable with my nerd status. I found a smooth way to dress up Windows from the ugly style that has been around for more than 6 years.

Step 1: Download the Royale Theme to your desktop.

Step 2: Find the Royale_theme.zip on your desktop, right click on it, choose "Extract All", click "Next", "Next" again, and finally click "Finish."

Step 3: Open the folder in the window that just opened and then double click on the Royale theme installer.

Step 4: Once it finishes installing, right click on a BLANK SPACE on your desktop (where no icons are) and choose "Properties".

Step 5: Click on the "Appearance" tab and then under the "Windows and Buttons" drop down menu, choose "Windows Media Center"

Step 6: Click OK and you are all set with a brand new theme. I think it looks pretty good.

Extra Step: Grab a cool new background to go with your new theme here

As always, if you ever have any questions/comments, make sure to post a comment!
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The Definition of High Maintenance

Two beautiful women asked me recently what the definition of "high maintenance" was. What did it mean if a girl was "high maintenance?" Did you guys like it? Hate it? Neutral? My answer was nothing short of revolutionary.


"Wow, your woman is so high maintenance!"
"No man, she just takes care of herself."
"Uh whatever man, girl must be wrecked if she needs to take this much care."

Sound familiar? I am sure that every man on the planet over 16 has had this conversation with someone before. But is taking long to get ready make a girl "high maintenance?"

I would say...maybe.

I define "high maintenance" quite simply: Above average amount of effort demanded from a girlfriend in order to keep having sex with her.

That's about it. How much effort does the woman demand from her man? I base my definition on the fact that men are inherently lazy unless we are going after food, money, or sex which explains why men put up with demanding girls: sex. Sometimes, if it gets too demanding, or the sex isn't worth the demands, a guy will break up with a girl. Simple, right?

Making a guy wait doesn't really expend all that much energy for us. We can veg out for the hour or two while you put on a thick layer of cosmetics. What gets us is making us expend any sort of energy. This includes: making us change our plans last minute, never knowing want/where you want to eat, making us drive/walk to places we don't want to go, talk to your friends for extended periods of time, get overly emotional and take it out on us, go shopping with you and tell you over and over that you look great even though you never believe us so then it begs the question as to why you want us to even come with you in the first place, and finally, make us talk on the phone for hours at length about usually nothing.

So the stereotype of the east coast JAP (Jewish American Princess...it wasn't a slang jab at those Japanese stealing all of our workers) with her Louis V clutch, black Ferragamo heels, and Vera blouse doesn't necessarily mean High Maintenance. She could be the least demanding, sweetest girlfriend you've ever had. She most likely won't but don't be afraid of women who take care of themselves. At worst, you will be a tad tardy to most events but when you show up she'll be looking darn good. Just to note: Tom Kier will steal or emotional damage most of these women before you get close.

And though it would be wonderful if she thought she was pretty without getting that $150 blowout every friday, and the thousands and thousands of dollars of clothes and cosmetics, and always saying she is fat, blah blah...well, the world isn't perfect. Might as well let her try to make herself happy so that you might be able to skip out on the next shopping adventure.

NOTE: remember I am just talking about men in general...Matt Scott and I are not this superficial and would never be in a relationship just for the sex. True story.

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I Hate Facebook

You love Facebook? Hate it? Want to see what other people think? Check out I Hate Facebook.
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Pink iPod Commuter Tie...what?

If you’re looking for a convenient place to carry that iPod nano, the Pink Commuter tie is for you, that is, if you are manly/girly enough to pull it off.



Actually, this 100% silk tie is available in red and navy for metrosexuals, in addition to pink for all you others. The tie has a special loop that keeps all those wires in check, and it looks like you could run the wires up behind your tie and underneath the collar of your shirt, discreetly poking out the back on their way to your earbuds. So if you’re forced to wear that coat-and-tie monkey suit all day, might as well take advantage of it with a great place to hide your tunes.

Is that miniscule nano really such a hassle to deal with? Do you want to be that tool who has to turn his tie around to turn off his nano once he gets to work? Also, where do u store the headphones? Those will create a bulge and throw off the hot style you're going for. Either way, it brings me one step closer to the iPod thong of my dreams.

From Thomas Pink for $85.
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Getting Obliterated

Why do people get smashed? I'm not talking drunk or woozy...I'm talking smashed. Like when your friend asks you for jam and another croissant at an East Village dive bar. Let's think about it.



So, the night starts off fine. Have a few drinks, start smiling a little more, girls start looking attractive...the night is going well. Then inevitably, around 11:45pm, your friend gets snogged. How did it happen? How did the smiley, happy drunk turn into the belligerent drunk? Quite easily unfortunately.

I have a friend, let's call him "Tom" who got so plastered last night he didn't remember how he got home, how many drinks he had, or that he tried to steal a water pitcher from a waitress. He also did not remember blatantly hitting on a girl in front of his quasi girlfriend. Make that two girls in front of his girlfriend. That takes talent.

Tom: "Watch my back, Man...i gotta go make out with this girl."
Me: "Yeah, not a great idea. Howabout you just chill here with the girl you came with..."
Tom: "Fuck, man...she wants it, i'll be right back." He then proceeds to take the giant water pitcher from the bar and carry it over to a girl who clearly does not "want it."

Hilarity ensues but in the end I am able to peel him away, deliver him to his girlfriend and get them both in a cab. The fact that his girl actually went home with him is a whole story altogether but that is for another time.

My question is why do people drink to that level? Does it just hit you like an alcoholic wave or is it more gradual? Since I have been to college I have been around alcohol and have even been intimately involved with alcoholics--this experience is nothing new to me. I don't get embarrassed and thankfully they are too drunk to realize how stupid they are acting but without fail you get the call the next day...

Tom: "DUDE...WHAT happened last night?? Whoa man...what the hell is a water pitcher doing in my bed?" (more blather and in the end...) "I am NEVER drinking like that again! Fuck, man..."

Yeah, right. Always happens. I have no problem with alcohol...I'm a bartender. But wow can it be a vile substance. Two fights broke out at the event I was at, one resulting in a guys arm being cut on a fair amount of glass. I'm sure that fight would never have occured without the strong push of alcohol.

Here's all I am saying: drink just enough where you have more confidence than normal. For guys: when you talk to girls and think they actually care what you are saying. For girls: when you actually start liking your body. Actually, scratch that. Girls will pass out before that. Howabout when you ladies start actually listening to the guy talking to you and stop thinking how your ex is dating someone with a better ass.

Maybe it's just me, but after babysitting/taking care of or heaven forbid, hooking up with plastered people it gets a little tiring. "But I'm a good drunk!" No...no, you're not. (Editor's Comment: well besides you Jason.) You're an awful drunk but no one wants to tell you cause it will just drive you to drink more to forget the emotional pain. And no one wants that.

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Songs to Forget Valentines Day

Sometimes Valentines Day can suck. The good news is that you're not alone. =)

Love Stinks" - J. Geils Band
Feel A Whole Lot Better" - Tom Petty
Song For The Dumped" - Ben Folds Five
Steppin' Stone, (I'm Not Your)" - The Monkees
Heartbreak Stroll" - The Raveonettes
Here Without You" - The Byrds
Love Is Hell" - Ryan Adams
Superstar" - The Carpenters
Sea Of Heartbreak" - Johnny Cash
Heartbreak Beat" - The Psychedelic Furs
Only Love Can Break Your Heart" - Saint Etienne
Love Is Only A Feeling" - The Darkness
How To Fight Loneliness" - Wilco
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How To Quit Smoking

So you're one of the millions who like to light up every now and then. If you want to quit, I have some ideas.


I first want to state that I find nothing wrong with smoking. If you want to shorten your life span, ruin your lungs, and smell like an ashtray, by all means go for it. It'd be nice if you didn't smoke indoors and make me gag but it's all good. No harm no foul. I am all for free choice. A nice thick, juicy steak every day will jack your chloresterol and increase the likelihood of a heart attack. Does that mean we should outlaw steaks? Of course not. Just like smoking...it's your own choice.

But say you want to stop smoking. For whatever reason you want to call it quits. And you're serious. Not wishy-washy...you want to stop for good. Ok, well then...let's get started.

My Quit Smoking plan is actually quite simple. It harnesses the simple power of negative reinforcement. Here's how it works: everytime you light up a cigarette, I will punch you across the face. Fairly hard. I will try not to break anything, but you might have trouble chewing for a day or so. This might make you slightly more adverse to smoking but chances are you will try to light up within the week and as soon as you do...Bam. Same place, little harder. Now the amount of times I have to smack you will vary depending on each person but I feel you will quit for good within three weeks.

I feel that there are no direct, instant repercussions for lighting up again once you "quit." That's the problem. But what if you got a crack in the jaw INSTANTLY? Nicorette patch, my ass. Oh and I know what you're thinking, "how can he be everywhere to know when I smoke?" I just am and you have to believe that you will be hit if you try and smoke. End of story. And yes you will even get hit if you try to smoke 20 years from now. Full service treatment.

The above solution is somewhat hardcore but I guarantee results. A less, shall we say, invasive approach is my popular "Your Stupid Ass Just Lost $2,000." Here's how it works:

I give you $2,000 in cash. That's it. The only catch is if you smoke just ONE cigarette than you have to pay me back the $2,000. I want you to really feel, enjoy, and smoke a $2,000 cigarette and see how it makes you feel. After you pay me back, we play for $5,000. Simple, right? Now some clever people might ask, "How high does the money limit go?" It goes pretty high, up to $20,000 but at that level I get to enable the first approach as well and beat you senseless for smoking AND trying to take my money.

Here's the conclusion of this little essay: if you want to quit, then quit. Enough of the bullshit of it being so hard and you "really, really want to." If you wanted it bad, you would quit. End of story. If it was between getting your teeth knocked out, you might not light up. Again, as i clearly said in the beginning, if you want to smoke, go for it. Have a blast. But no more of this "i want to quit" bullshit.
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Two Great, Easy to Make Snacks

I love to cook as some of you know and I thought I should share two of my favorite snacks. Painfully easy to make and they are healthy to boot (I don't wake up with this body). Enjoy and as always if you have any questions, please leave a comment!

Egg Muffins: Coat a 12-cup muffin tin with cooking spray. crack open a dozen eggs into a bowl a mix gently until yokes and whites are combined. Spread the beaten eggs between all of the muffin tins (each about half full). Drop in a tablespoon of diced vegetables and diced deli turkey. Stir. Top each with a pinch of grated cheese. Bake at 350 degrees for 12-15 minutes, let them cool, then drop them into zip-top bags and freeze. To reheat: Nuke for 90 seconds. Note: don't be cranky if they don't look as good as mine...they will still taste great. =)



Turkey Roll-ups: Spread two tablespoons light cream cheese down the center of a 10-inch whole-wheat tortilla. Drop on two tablespoons each of diced green onion and chunky salsa. Layer on four to six slices of deli turkey. Roll. Repeat four times and wrap the spares tightly in plastic wrap and store in the fridge.



Can't get easier than that, right? Enjoy. =)

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Movie Review: The Matador

New movie with Greg Kinnear and Pierce Brosnan. Worth your time and money?
Hell yes! I won't bore you with the details (who cares about the director or supporting cast?) but I will say that it was the first movie I enjoyed watching in quite sometime. It was long but I was never bored. The diologue was quick, fun, and Pierce was amazing. Did a great job though when he looks at the camera it's hard to forget he's 007. Kinnear was Kinnear, good as always and you get to see him have rough sex with his wife on a washing machine so now no one can say he doesn't explore his range.

The movie follows Brosnan who is a contract killer or "corporate facillatator" going through a mid-life crisis. In a fit of desperation and lonliness he befriends low-level all around unlucky guy Greg Kinnear. Hilarity and excitment ensues.

Now I am not saying this is Oscar worthy (though this year was awful so maybe it should be) but it was just a fun, well-done movie. If you don't like this movie, it's ok, but you're wrong. You have every right to be wrong. But you are wrong.

I am a tough movie judge...I've never seen a 10 out of 10. I give Matador a solid 7.5 out of ten which falls into the "Worth Your Money" range and now that movies cost $50, that's a fairly big compliment. Enjoy and as always, post some comments, tell me what you think.
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I wish I could be friends again...

Random thought but I wish I could snap my fingers and become friends with certain people again.Nothing really else to it. Sometimes there is too much history (or not enough) to pull people back together and if you do become friends again then it most likely will never be the same. Do you just have to accept it?

Probably, yes. Bummer but friendships are hard work and it's even harder trying to repair one. Ironically, the hardest friendships to repair are the ones that aren't broken--just forgotten. If you have a big fight you can point to that and work it out. If you're friendship just falls by the wayside...well...what do you say? "I was really, really busy!" "My favorite tv show got cancelled!" "I just didn't think you were worth my time! I mean...i said that out loud?"

Isn't it awful but isn't that what it comes down to? You could really like the person, enjoy their company, etc but for some reason when it came to putting forth the effort you just shirked your duties. You wanted to go to the other party, flaked on a lunch date, forgot to call back...whatever. You just couldn't make it and sooner or later your "friendship" dwindled. Oddly enough, as we get older the less true friends we have. More aquaintences, sure, but less true friends. Real friendships are made through energy, not merely time.

I always wished that I had enough energy for lots of true friends. But you just don't. You have to work, date, be with family...where do all these people fit in? In the end, I suggest finding the people that you can't live without and hold fast to them. Take the people who make you pick up the phone, who you never (rarely) ignore. Cause that's all ya got.

That said, I do miss Laura Abulafia and I should give her a call soon to apologize. I don't think she'll forgive me but she deserves a chance. At the worst, she'll get the satisfaction of hanging up on me. Which is nice.

On a happy note, someone gave me an iPod Nano today just because they ordered an extra by accident. iTunes, friendships...all the important things in life.
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Do people actually suck...or is it just me?

It's an age old question: does everybody around me suck, or am I just judgmental?
Believe it or not, everybody around you sucks. That's the short answer. Now I am not saying that I am a perfect peach but the extreme majority of people I meet are just not worth anything special. When's the last time you met someone and said, "Wow...that person is really impressive and he/she brings something special to the table!" Maybe we all have become incredibly boring. Maybe it's global warming. All I know is that there is probably a secret island off of Fuji that is hiding all the cool people.

This begs the thought: "I have cool friends so there must be other cool people out there!" Yes, this one is tough to swallow because there is a high probability that no one else thinks your friends are cool. So maybe everyone is in their own ignorant bubble, judging all those outside their sphere of supposed emotional security.

So what do we take away from all this? Actually some good news, believe it or not. I feel that most people suck so it is easier to find those rare, rare gems hidden throughout the cold, cold social world. I suggest enjoying your friends and just keep you eyes peeled for someone special. Or give up. Either one.

Oh and if you are wondering if you yourself are cool then don't worry about...if you have to ask, then you probably aren't. But being cool is overrated. Alotta work--I don't wake up this good. Takes work. Hard, unforgiving work. Also you're modesty becomes non-existent.
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New Years Guide: Wine, Champagne, and Caviar

So what's the point of having a bashing New Year's party without some alcohol and expensive fish eggs? I tell you there is no point, dammit. Here are my favorites across the board. And don't think this was easy! I had to lock myself in a plush room filled with naked women, sipping only the finest wine, champagne, and nibbling delicious caviar. It's what I do for you. All of the wine can be found at Wine.com or any good wine store. Enjoy...



Wine
Australian Rieslings: The traditional dessert wine is coming to dinner. While classic German Rieslings are often overly sweet (as you all know), the version from Down Under is distinctly crisp, dry, and acidic; it's perfect for mealtime, and a knockout value to boot. And of course, Rieslings are white wines (just in case all of you didn't know).

2003 Jacob's Creek Reserve-$10
Peaches and pepper, lean and dry. Pair it with a nice grilled swordfish drizzled in lemon. Or don't. I don't care.

2004 Grant Burge Barossa "Thorn"-$18
Slightly heavy, full of citrus, with a long finish. Leaves your tongue tingling. Yeah, I said tingling. Good with fish as well.

2003 Grosset Polish Hill-$24
This is the gold standard. Bone-dry, huge tones of juicy peaches, green plumbs, bitter almond, and slate. It is a steal at $24...buy a case and your holiday shopping is done.

California Syrah: Critics (none of you) used to scoff at the Golden State's ability to do anythiung with this robust grape, which yields powerhouse wines in France. Yes my friends, syrah is a type of grape. Now you know. But now reds with incredible depth--ripe fruit balanced by herbal flavors and the mineral-rich terroir (soil composition) of the West Coast--are being turned out.

2001 Chalone-$32
Thick blackberries and wild grapes...it begs to be eaten with a juicy steak glazed with olive oil and sage. Begs, I tell you.

2002 Vlader-$60
Easy to drink, full of blueberries. Try it with braised short ribs.

2000 Araujo-$125
This is the big papa of syrah's...get it for the oenophile in your family. Sigh...don't do a google search, an oenophile is someone who knows and enjoys wine.

The Fire Within, Super South of the Border Reds: I like red wines with a soul and so look for intensity simmering just below the surface. Some people date, I drink wine. Here are a few that deliver character and personality but won't break the bank.

Achaval-Ferrer Malbec Mendoza 2004-$20
Everything good about the region; clean, easy to drink, and full of smooth flavors.

Finca & Bodega Carlos Pulenta Corte B Vistalba 2003-$17
Longest name ever so it HAS to be good.

Matetic Syrah San Antonio EQ 2003-$20
Spicy and sweet...great buy.

Nine Stones Shirza Hilltops 2004-$8
Great bottle of wine for an amazing price. Tart edge to it's juicy plum and blackberry fruit flavors. In other words...it'll get her drunk but she'll actually enjoy it.

Champagne

Moet & Chandon Brut Imperial Rose-$40
It may be sacrilege to the brunch set, but trust me and skip the mimosa: this rose, with it's sexy strawberry notes demands to be enjoyed solo. Much like you on a friday night.

Nicholas Feuillatte Brut Premier Cru-$19
Great choice for a party...delicious, easy to drink, and cheap.

Lanson Black Label Brut NV-$25
Dry and refreshing, with snappy acidity and mineral and citrus flavors. Strong enough to eat with the meal.

Louls de Sacy Brut Grand Cru NV-$23
Toasty and full bodies with a creamy texture and persistent flavors. Nice n' sweet--throw in a blackberry or two for fun.

Paul Goerg Blanc de Blancs NY-$23
Complex fruit flavors...much like your childhood.

Pierre Gimmonet & Fils Burt Blanc de Blancs NV-$27
Very complex and persistent flavors of apples, minerals, and anise. Great buy for the champagne lover.

Pop Champagne by Pommery-$7
Fairly awful champagne but you can't beat the price and if your guests think doing a keg stand is a form of foreplay it might be your best bet.

Caviar
So as you all know there is a strict ban on beluga and other amazing caviar from the Caspian sea. This has turned the USA (and other countries) into farming grounds for the next caviar explosion. Impressive and at a quarter of the price though once people start realizing that...the price will invariably increase. So hurry!

Transmontanus (USA farmed caviar)-$65
Though Transmontanus is harvested from white sturgeon from California and the Pacific Northwest (making it much more affordable), it's taste and texture are similar to the famous osetra caviar. Some experts can't even tell the difference and even the Great Me could only sense the difference because I was looking for it. If you like caviar, go get some and enjoy it with a special someone. You can find it at Petrossian or at a gourmet shop.

Alverta (USA-Farmed Caviar)-$152
Yes, quite a bit more than the Transmontanus but it is arguably worth it. If you want to splurge, then look no further.

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Britney Spears

Remember a few years ago you knew some people who actually liked Britney Spears and defended her? You had the girls who said "ohmigawd she's so talented and hot and sexy and she's the only woman I would EVER want to have sex with!" Indeed. Then we had the slight step down of the girls who said "I know, but she's SO hot and her music makes me feel less like a slut (in comparasion, I suppose)."

Has the time where Brittney's reign will go the way of the dodo bird and Reaganomics? I hope so. Personally, I just ask all of you out there who told your friends that Brittney Spears was a waste of space to not let them forget how much of their energy they spent on worshipping the flabby trailer trash wife in calabassas. All I ask.



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18 Hours of Pure Chill

These songs will finally get you some or chill you out. Either way...my job is done. And don't even try it Jason...you know you haven't heard any of these.

* "Red Dust" - Zero 7
* "Sleep At The Swamp" - Potlatch
* "Under The Sun (Beaverheadz Mix)" - Mr Electric Triangle
* "Belle De Jour" - De-Phazz
* "Original Bedroom Rockers" - Kruder & Dorfmeister
* "Les Promesses D'Ume Chevelure" - Kosma
* "Universal Traveler" - Air (Pop)
* "Gypsy Tears" - Balthazar
* "Fome Total (Funky Lowlives Dub)" - Zuco 103
* "Postales" - Federico Aubele
* "Home" - Zero 7
* "Flutter" - Bonobo
* "Silver Garden" - Synopsis
* "Otono Perpetuo" - Caspian
* "Celestial Dub" - Sub Oslo
* "Here She Comes" - Shantel
* "Summer's End" - Yada Yada
* "4 Seasons 4 Loves" - Redfish
* "Exciting" - Afterlife
* "Rhesus (Saru's St. Simian Mix)" - Hybrid Device
* "La Femme D'Argent" - Air
* "Desert Wind" - Radiophonic
* "Indigo" - Future Loop Foundation
* "Jericho" - Caia
* "Simple Things" - Zero 7
* "Definition" - Kruder & Dorfmeister
* "The Sea" - Morcheeba
* "Malena" - Federico Aubele
* "Traveler's Delight" - Plastyc Buddha
* "Coming Down" - Ohm-G
* "Bamboo Shadow (Richman's Dub By Blend)" - Saru
* "Opium Dreams" - Rithma
* "I Have Seen" - Zero 7
* "Romeo's Fate (I:Cube Mix)" - Sylk 130
* "Ce Matin La" - Air
* "Le Silence" - Ollano
* "Gotta Jazz" - Count Basic
* "Une Epitaphe" - Marcel Kanche
* "Cathedral In The Desert" - U.P.I.
* "Melon Collie Dub" - Greg Long
* "Touch The Sun (Dzihan + Kamien's Sun Care)" - Atjazz
* "This World" - Zero 7
* "The Sheer Weight of Memory" - Bob Holroyd
* "Oceanic Lullaby" - J Boogie's Dubtronic Science
* "Esta Noche" - Federico Aubele
* "La Telecabine" - Caia
* "SixFiveOneOh!" - Bjorn Fogelberg
* "Out Of Town" - Zero 7
* "Baby" - Bebel Gilberto
* "Biological" - Air (Pop)
* "Nothing Owed" - Bonobo
* "Blindfold" - Morcheeba
* "Natural True" - White Nights
* "The Ghosts You Draw On My Back" - Mum
* "When It Falls" - Zero 7
* "Paradise Island" - Surfers
* "Cairo" - Great Barrier
* "Heaven's Gonna Burn Your Eyes" - Thievery Corporation
* "Duality" - Saru
* "You Make It Easy" - Air
* "Gotta Jazz" - Kruder & Dorfmeister
* "Chime" - Jairamji
* "Time To Lounge" - Alkemix
* "New Dimension" - Eclipse
* "Passing By" - Zero 7
* "Intimity" - Jc Pool
* "You're Not Alone" - Olive
* "Monkey Business" - Racoon
* "Isle Of Capri" - Morris Capri
* "Deep Shit Pt. 1 & Pt. 2" - Kruder & Dorfmeister
* "Look Up" - Zero 7
* "Alone In Kyoto" - Air (Pop)
* "Atlantis" - Kosma
* "Mind Flight" - Virtual Connection
* "The Passenger" - Kings Of Convenience
* "Playground Love" - Air
* "Together In Electric Dreams" - Lali Puna
* "Likufanele" - Zero 7
* "Playtime" - Jimpster
* "Samba Da Bencao" - Bebel Gilberto
* "Channel 1 Suite" - The Cinematic Orchestra
* "Morning Song" - Zero 7
* "Girl From Nussloch" - Sad Rockets
* "Airlock Homes" - Fila Brazillia
* "Jung" - Jhno
* "Talisman" - Air
* "Electric Lazyland" - 9 Lazy 9
* "Lower Your Eyelids To Die With The Sun" - M83
* "Polaris" - Zero 7
* "Downey, CA" - Saint Etienne
* "Maybe I'm Amazed" - Jem
* "I Can't Feel My Hand Anymore, It's Alright, Sit Still" - Múm
* "Waterfront" - Marschmellows
* "Until The Morning" - Thievery Corporation
* "So Nice (Summer Samba)" - Bebel Gilberto
* "Salt Water Sound" - Zero 7
* "Annanas.g-Corporation Dub" - Tosca
* "Cherry Blossom Girl" - Air (Pop)
* "Missing" - Everything But The Girl
* "Bathroom Girl" - Air
* "Aganju" - Bebel Gilberto
* "Green Grass Of Tunnel" - Múm
* "I Don't Know What I Can Save You From" - Kings Of Convenience
* "Destiny" - Zero 7
* "Malandro" - Snooze
* "Harlem Overdrive" - Visit Venus
* "The Way You Look Tonight" - Air
* "Cisum To All The Women" - Deja Move
* "Aquarium" - Kosma
* "Orchard" - Spacer
* "Something Stronger (Greg Loud Mix)" - Saru
* "Glosoli" - Sigur Ros
* "Traveller" - Talvin Singh
* "In Church" - M83
* "Waltz for Koop" - Koop
* "Somersault" - Zero 7
* "Fire In The Middle" - Nightmares on Wax
* "Everybody Jump Off" - Jhelisa
* "Die Sylpher" - Kosma
* "M" - DJ Krush And Toshinori Kondo
* "La Lucertola" - De-Phazz
* "Pierre" - Helen Merrill
* "Samba 1000 (Nicola Conte mix)" - Ursula 1000/Nicola Conte
* "Angelhair" - Mujaji
* "End Theme" - Zero 7
* "Pass The Mess" - Deja-Move
* "Kelly Watch The Stars" - Air
* "Diario De Viaje" - Federico Aubele
* "Soft Music Under Stars" - Fila Brazillia
* "Le Booty Cinematigue" - J-Boogie's Dubtronic Science
* "Superspectral" - The Tao Of Groove
* "Queremos Paz" - Gotan Project
* "YMB" - Boozoo Bajou
* "Give It Away" - Zero 7
* "Mais Feliz" - Bebel Gilberto
* "Round About Midnight" - Gotan Project Meet Chet Baker
* "Drophere" - Dzihan & Kamien
* "Little Gem (Garry Hughes Pink Panter Remix)" - Euphoria
* "Afterwards At The Bar" - Caia
* "Traveller (Kid Loco's Once Upon A Time In The East mix)" - Talvin Singh
* "Desert Night" - Lens Flare
* "All That You Can Give " - Cinematic Orchestra
* "In Time" - Zero 7
* "Exodus" - U.P.I.
* "New Star In The Sky" - Air
* "Substation (Loose Definition Remix)" - Hybrid Device
* "Baby" - Koop
* "Different Day" - Atjazz
* "Risky Wank" - Fila Brazillia
* "In The Waiting Line" - Zero 7
* "Despertar" - Federico Aubele
* "New Home" - Zimpala
* "Dreamsville" - Mark Gorbulew
* "Strange Life" - Kruder & Dorfmeister
* "Beautiful Otherness" - Bent
* "Amarillo" - Digital Alkemist
* "Sunday Seance" - Blockhead
* "Mezz Bar Blue" - Astro
* "Speed Dial No. 2" - Zero 7
* "La Playa" - J Boogie's Dubtronic Science
* "Fooling Myself (Easy Access Orchestra Mix)" - King Kooba
* "Remembrance" - Caia
* "Gabriel (Original mix)" - Lamb
* "Jericho" - Weekend Players
* "Noctuary" - Bonobo
* "Underwater Reserve" - Liquid Glue
* "Warm Sound" - Zero 7
* "Beyond Time" - Blank & Jones
* "7 Miles" - Monte La Rue
* "Schooled In The Trade" - People Under The Stairs
* "Ante Tus Ojos" - Federico Aubele
* "Rosada Floor" - J Boogie's Dubtronic Science
* "Something Stronger" - Saru
* "Useless (The Kruder + Dorfmeister Session)" - Depeche Mode
* "Distractions" - Zero 7
* "Fear And Love" - Morcheeba
* "Watering Place" - Direct 2 Brain
* "Underdub" - Ominimotion
* "Shakatakadooduh" - Kruder & Dorfmeister
* "Paris" - Trance Groove
* "Something For Windy" - Bonobo
* "The Space Between" - Zero 7
* "Whose Blues" - Caia
* "Little Universe" - Direct 2 Brain
* "Stay Out Of Trouble" - Kings Of Convenience
* "Vacuum Conversation" - Potlatch
* "All I Need" - Air
* "Floating" - Klaus Schulze
* "Spinning" - Zero 7
* "Antarctica" - Afterlife
* "Urban Haze" - France and Dom
* "Resolution" - Thievery Corporation
* "The Dragon's Roar" - Sonic Theatre
* "High Noon" - Kruder & Dorfmeister
* "Burnout" - Cinematic Orchestra
* "Excursion Bliss" - Iguassu
* "Over Our Heads" - Zero 7
* "NY" - Marius Mellebye
* "Complex" - Afterlife
* "Ocean Beat" - Tosca

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Nightmares

Anybody still have nightmares? I usually have them but they aren't anything serious--running from a giant furby, on a date and the girl orders everything from the right side of the menu, or Jason gives me advice on women. Nothing too scary. Last night though, I had a dream where I died. That's not supposed to happen, right?

So my dream opened with me running onto an island with a sqaud of tough-looking special forces guys. They moved fast, carried big guns, and hustled me to a part of the island. The chances looked good for me. Of course there was a reason I had to be protected by special forces guys and not the boy scouts. Slowly and methodically each one of my guards got taken out. Radio contact would drop out and all you could hear was static. Eventually once my last two guards went to go "check things out" (never a good thing) and got wasted did I realize that I'm not doing so well. After a few seconds I took a sniper bullet in the chest--I literally felt it richochet in my body and my chest crumpled like it was cracked with a bat. Suddenly I was staring up at the canopy of trees blocking the sky, heard some footsteps near my head, a blurred vision of a gun, and then five bullets pumped into my body. I felt each one. I felt my body become heavier, I felt my heart being smothered with the pressure, I felt my vision get darker...and darker...and darker until a wave of cold washed over me then NOTHING. If I called it black it wouldn't be dark enough. It was just...nothing.

Then I woke up. Good times. Had tons of dreams where you COULD die, or even where I was ABOUT to die, but never went that far before. Anyone else have a similar experience?
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Harry Potter Goblet of Fire Review: Exclusive by Geoffrey Warren Boulton

We all know Geoff as being the cool kripy kreme lady killer but what does he know about movies? Well as it turns out, he knows a lot and gives us his impression of the latest Harry Potter: The Goblet of FIre. Does Geoff think it's worth your hard earned dollars or should you stay at home (like you usually do)? Read on!



A truly beautiful film that engages every detail of J.K. Rowlings magical world. From the snow that sheaths the lofty spires of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, to the breathtaking movement of the pegasi drawn carriage, the film is spectacularly detailed and wonderfully immersive. Mike Newell has taken the world of the Harry Potter series that we know and love, and has made it glisten. With spectacular casting to complement Rowlings imaginatve tale, the film will be loved by fans of not only the novel and the other movies, but also diehard lovers of fantasy drama in general.

However, Goblet of Fire is not without fault. The main blunder being the pg-13 rating (the first movie of the series not PG). While this may not be a problem for 32 year old comic book fans who wish to collect the drool brought on by the large amount of Hermione's exposed skin, eight year olds present at my viewing ran screaming out of the theatre, and that's just not OK. Secondly, Harry Potter himself is a hack. I'd like to see him do one thing in the whole movie that isn't entirely by the seat of his pants. I know he is only a "4th year" but he is the only person to have ever survived the killing curse! Lets see him be more bad ass and less of a mopey, sap who is revered for his "outstanding moral fiber". I want some more fireballs and less "help me, blondie is in trouble" sparks.

Which leads me to my final and, personally, biggest complaint. It's time stalwart fans of fantasy drama were rewarded with some more dynamic wizardry. What are these kids learning all day!? Lets get some spells that they learned in second periond unleashed on unsuspecting innocents. Well, if that's too "frying ants with a magnifying glass" for you, then a least let them lose on the minions of evil! I mean, everyone loves a wizard battle but two guys pointing their wands at each other and having a blue force clash with a red force while the camera alternates between shots of each of them "concentrating realy hard" is so Ghostbusters. Lets be honest, this kind of "tit for tat" battle style was mastered in Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1980) where battles similarly consist of the two combatants standing across from each other firing nondescript streams of light that serve only to knock their opponents on their ass and dirty their vest with a little smoking charcoal circle. Lets see Dumbledore get in a bit of a scrap, levitate and with his cloak swirling in the air, conjure a massive fire ball that actually knocks him backwards through the air as he launches it at his foe, while simultaneously surrounding himself with a lightening shield that absorbs the collum of white energy that just crashed down on him. It's just a shame to have such a beautifully detailed environment marred by sub par wizardry.

Ultimately, I give Harry Potter: goblet of fire a healthy 4 dragon scales out of a possible 5 for having a cunning plot, beautiful CGI and sexy 14 year old girls (Jordan: Hell yes!) all dolled up for the "Yule Ball Dance"(I use empty Ovaltien containers to collect my drool). However, I'll save that last scale for the day that audiences are no longer expected to ooo and awww when Dumbldor dims all the candles in the room with a bland arm gesture.

So there you have it. You agree with Geoff? You want to yell at him? As always check out the forums to discuss the articles!
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Jordan's Holiday/BDay Wish List

Want to see what would make me happy? Here ya go...in no particular order...



1. Nespresso Silver D90--sleek, sexy, small, REALLY easy to use and makes a great little cup of coffee.

2. Jabra JX10--ultra cool bluetooth headset. If you have bluetooth then you must get this one.

3. Samsung X1 Laptop--Thinnest, lightest laptop on the market. Nice 14" screen too. If only I had $3000...

4. iPod 60gb--I would never spend my own money on one of these BUT...if it was given to me...

5. JVC GX-MG70u Camcorder--actually has a built in hard drive so there are no tapes to worry about and holds over 30 hours of those "home videos" you shoot around the house.

6. Bottle of Corzo Tequila Repasado--amazing tequila, no bite, just smooth.

7. Araujo Red Wine, 2000 vintage--the perfect gift for your favorite oenophile. If you don't know waht an oenophile is then more power to you and you should still buy the wine.

8. Imperial Special Reserve Persicus--This is the most rare caviar on earth and it rings of sweet, butter, and nutty flavors. Grab an ounce for $350.

9. Bollinger Grande Annee Vintage 1996 Champagne--Cristal what? This is the grand daddy of champagnes.

10. Treo 700w for Verizon--the best smart phone just got better. Use with number #2.

11. Xbox 360--I need to remove myself from reality every now and then.

12. Any leather bag from Mulberry--overpriced but durable and I can finally go on the weekend trip in style. Finally.

13. World Peace

14. Classic Trench Coat from London Fog--I'm sorry but the classic looks does it for me.

15. This wine celler...wine included

16. A magic button that makes ALL of my magazine subscriptions follow me when I move.

17. Last but not least, that next year is even better then this one.

Aww. Remember to check out (and REGISTER!) for the new CoolSlice.com forums!
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The Big 23: Happy Birthday Me

Yep, despite the odds and the bets against it, I have reached 23 years old. Scary. I want to thank everyone I have ever met for helping me reach this monumentous occasion. Also, because I never stop working for you, I have installed forums: You can check them out here. Enjoy!
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Hebonics is now an official language

NEW YORK, Sept 12, 2005 - The New York City school board has officially
declared Jewish English - now dubbed Hebonics - as a second language.
Backers of the move say the city's School District is the first in the
state to recognize Hebonics as a valid language and significant attribute
of New York culture.

According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York
University and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of
Hebonics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as
well as Yiddish.

Prof. Schollman explains, "In Hebonics, the response to any question is
usually another question-plus a complaint that is implied or stated. Thus,
'How are you?' may be answered, 'How should I be, with my feet?'"

Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing
sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with "sh" or
"shm" at the beginning: "Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You want a
nosebleed?"

Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end,
with its pronoun at the beginning: "It's beautiful, that dress." Schollman
says one also sees the Hebonics verb moved to the end of the sentence. Thus
the response to a remark such as 'He's slow as a turtle,' could be "Turtle,
shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline, he walks." Schollman provided the
following examples from his textbook, Switched-On Hebonics.

Question: "What time is it?"
English answer: "Sorry, I don't know."
Hebonic answer: "What am I, a clock?"

Remark: "I hope things turn out okay."
English response: "Thanks."
Hebonic response: "I should BE so lucky!"

Remark: "Hurry up.? Dinner's ready."
English response: "Be right there."
Hebonic response: "Alright already, I'm coming. What's with the 'hurry'
business?? Is there a fire?"

Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; wear it all the time."
English response: "Glad you like it."
Hebonic response: "So what's the matter; you don't like the other ties I
gave you?

Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged."
English response: "Congratulations!"
Hebonic response: "She could stand to gain a few pounds."

Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?"
English answer: "Just say ! when."
Hebonic answer: "Riding, shmiding!? Do I look like a cowboy?"

To guest of honor at his birthday party:
English remark: "Happy birthday."
Hebonic remark: "A year smarter you should become."

Remark: "A beautiful day."
English response: "Sure is."
Hebonic response: "So the sun is out; what else is new?"

Answering a phone call from son: English remark: "It's been a long time
since you called."
Hebonic remark: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"

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25 Breakup Songs

Now I don't suggest playing these in the background while you break up with her BUT maybe you could slip a cd in her purse before she storms off. Check 'em out...they're pretty funny.
1. Boys Don't Cry - The Cure
2. That's Him Over There - Peggy Lee
3. Most Of The Time - Bob Dylan
4. Let Him Fly - Dixie Chicks
5. Delia's Gone - Johnny Cash
6. It's Over - Alison Krauss
7. The One That Got Away - Tom Waits
8. I Fall To Pieces - Patsy Cline
9. Separate Ways - Elvis Presley
10. You Don't Have To Say You Love Me - Dusty Springfield
11. Oh Yeah - Roxy Music
12. Somebody's Crying - Chris Isaak
13. Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue - Crystal Gayle
14. Long May You Run - Neil Young
15. Hit The Road, Jack - McCaslin & Ringer
16. Mars Sparkles Down On Me - The Wedding Present
17. Crying - Roy Orbison with K.D. Lang
18. Another Lonely Day - Ben Harper
19. Still Crazy After All These Years - Paul Simon
20. How Can You Mend A Broken Heart - The Bee Gees
21. He Stopped Loving Her Today - George Jones
22. Love Will Come To You - Indigo Girls
23. Feel A Whole Lot Better - Tom Petty
24. Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
25. 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover - Paul Simon
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Jordan's Cheese Fondue

Want a great appetizer to watch the big game with or impress a date before dinner? Here ya go...

Cheese Fondue a la Jordan

Ingredients

* 1 clove garlic, crushed
* 1 cup dry white wine
* 3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
* 8 ounces Gruyère cheese, cut into small cubes
* 2 teaspoons cornstarch
* 1 tablespoon kirsch, or other cherry brandy
* Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
* 1/8 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
* Accompaniments

Preparation

1. Rub the inside of a medium-size saucepan with the garlic and discard. Add the wine and lemon juice and heat for 1 minute over medium heat. Add the cheese cubes to the saucepan and cook the mixture, stirring constantly, until the cheese melts completely, 2 to 3 minutes.

2. Combine the cornstarch and kirsch in a small bowl. Stir into the cheese mixture and continue to cook until it is smooth and slightly thick, about 3 minutes. Season with salt, pepper, and nutmeg.

3. Serve in a fondue pot, or use a flameproof dish set over a small candle. Serve with a platter of accompaniments.

Makes about two cups/4 servings. Enjoy!
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Attractive People = Stupid

Why are attractive people, on average, really, really stupid? It seems like there is an inverse (or negative if you will) relationship between intelligence and beauty.Of course there are tons issues at hand but first and foremost we have the fact that there really aren't that many brilliant people so the chances of finding a beautiful person who also happens to be brilliant is quite a challenge. That said, just take all the beautiful people you've ever met and then ask yourself how many of those were really smart? Y'know quick on their feet, that whole thing.

Could it be that really sexy people can get away with being stupid? I know it's happened before. If a guy or girl is really hot then they don't really have to work on their conversational or social skills and thus they may APPEAR to be stupid or lack any sort of brain cogniton. Maybe people don't force beautiful people to react quickly thus dampening their verbal prowess. Lastly, maybe it's not sexy to be smart so these pretty people dumb it down. Heck, it could even be god's will since he/she/it doesn't want to give someone EVERYTHING. Well, I'll give you a great body but hell if I'm gonna give a brain along with it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you find someone gorgeous who is also brilliant, then I say marry it. Or send it over to science so they can study it.

Final note: I am not saying that there aren't ANY pretty people who also are quite intelligent...I'm just saying that there aren't that many and as the person gets more attractive their brain power goes out the window. Just sayin...
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Stupid Things

Here are some stupid things I thought of or found today. Read on.



1. Desperate Housewives:

None of these women are actually desperate. They are arguably quite attractive. I truly hope that there aren't millions of very attractive women feeling desperate. If you can get any man/thing you want because you are hot, I don't feel you should be called desperate. Just throwing that out there. Once I would like a show where ugly women get good lives. Fat men get hot wives on lots of TV shows. Why can't we have a busted woman get a model husband? If I saw a show about four Abercrombie & Fitch male models I wouldn't exactly feel like they are talking right to me. I don't think I could really relate. Good times.

2. T-Mobile Sidekick--Pimp and Juicy Editions:

Yep. They actually made a Juicy Couture version of the Sidekick. That's just really sad for some reason. Maybe because the sidekick is already the size of most people's apartments and all it can do is text messange so why do you want to bring more attention to it? You're not that important. I find it amusing that 13 year old girls need a 20'' screen and a 40ft keyboard to send/receive urgent messages about who is so hot right now but CEO/billionaires only need a small nextel blackberry. Times have changed. Who the hell would buy a $700 Juicy phone for their (hopefully) daughter? Sorry mom and dad...she will still be very annoying.

3. New Treo 700w

Ok, actually this is pretty cool. I just think it's stupid that it's only coming out for Verizon. Boo.


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Utopia!

So is a Utopia possible? If you were given ultimate powers, how would you turn this world into an Eden? Well...I have an idea. **Disclaimer: I am not an awful person and this article does not truly reflect my opinion (only slightly)**



Claim #1: Men ruin the world.

Claim #2: Men ruin the world because they want to have sex with anything that moves.

Final Claim: If men were constantly pleasured and never had to worry about having sex, the world would be a better place.

Strong claims, huh? Well let me explain something from a guys perspective: we are only concerned with Food, Sex, and Money and they are usually somewhat connected. Think of when a guy complained to you and it DIDN'T have anything to do with Food, Money, or Sex. I bet if he actually did complain it wasn't for all that long. By the way we will call it FMS from now on; women have PMS, men have FMS. So now that everyone knows what gets men up in the morning, FMS, let's see if we can figure out how much it forms this world.

Men will do practically anything to get some ass. To be blunt. They will go to some very interesting lengths to get with a woman. That we all know. They will fight, drink, and/or work very hard to get that said ass. Here's a little secret: the only reason why men work so hard to get Money is to get a woman. A guy would live in a cardboard box if a woman would have sex with him in it. Do you think guys actually like fast sport cars? They like it because women like it. Porsche's are like bait..."Oooh, nice car." Gotcha! Not saying all women are superficial but if you take the same guy and put him in a Porsche and a Pinto women wil most likely go to the Porsche. Nothing says "I will take care of your offspring" more than a German sports car.

So what would happen if every man had a "companion?" I'm NOT talking about a prostitute...I'm talking about a companion. What if we could somehow create these women who are completely WILLING (not talking about against their will here) to pleasure their man whenever he wants? Now of course this is the crucial flaw in my Utopia because no woman would appreciate being a sex toy (for that long). BUT, just bear with me, say we could make these willing, pleasuring women whose sole purpose is to take care of their man. Y'see, this is where I'm going to piss some people off but again, just bear with me.

So now we have men being pleasured whenever they want. Why do men go out and spend a lot of money at the bar? To get some ass. Well they won't have to go out and drink because they have a woman at home. Why do men work so hard and become cranky and pissed off? Because some woman (or women) made it neccessary. Well he doesn't need a Porsche to get some now because he can get it whenever he wants. So now the porn industry, alcohol industry, restaurants, and pratically everything else on the planet will go out of business because men don't need porn, don't need to drink anything but water, and they don't need to take women out to fancy restaurants. Which is a bummer to capitalism but Eden had that tree you couldn't eat from so all Utopia's have their flaws.

Now here's the fun part: since men get some anytime they want, they aren't going to start a relationship just to hook up all the time. They are only going to be in a relationship because they actually like the person. Isn't that a neat concept? There will be 1/10th as many marriages but I argue that they will last longer because the people will get together because the man actually loves her and he's not with her just to have sex on a more regular basis.

NOTE: once a guy is in a relationship he cannot still use his companion! Have to be fair here.

Just think for a second how much nicer guys would be if they got some anytime they wanted? What makes them upset? Food, Money, and/or Sex. Well if they can eat at McDonald's all day, have no need for Money, and have all the Sex they want it seems like a pretty good deal.

Ok, men are having a blast and their lives are perfect. What about the women? What do they get out of this? Well, first they get a boyfriend/husband who they know actually likes them for who they are and not just cause they want to get in their pants. That's rare. Now the problem is that a fair amount of women will never be with a guy since a man's companion will most likely be more attractive then they are. That's a problem. I might have to give women companions but women would want more than a sex slave. Sex slaves don't fix things, kill spiders, or listen to their day. So yeah, for the few thousand women who get men they will be in heaven. They will get men who are soley with them because they love and adore them. Super rare. Of course that means women will be fighting for EVEN LESS good guys and will compete even more. That's a scary concept. Women will probably kill eachother or themselves trying to get more attractive. But only the strong/sexiest will survive and thus we will eventually have a world of hot people.

In hindsight, my Utopia isn't perfect. Women will become murderous and there will be 3 marriages a year. Eh...can't have it all.

So enough about what I think, how would you make YOUR Utopia?
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Fantasy (updated)...

You know what's sad? I don't have sex fantasies anymore. I have traffic fantasies. Read on.



So some men outside of Los Angeles lay awake in bed dreaming of some passionate encounter with a playboy bunny who runs an orphanage but not me. I have traffic fantasies. I dream of a secret route that only I know of, with 20 lanes, each a mile wide, with large Range Rovers and Navigators flipped upside down on the side of the road. That is my fantasy. I want those big ass soccer mom trailers off the road. What the hell does someone need with a car like that? You don't need all-time 4 wheel drive to negotiate the speed bumps at the super market. Anytime you ask a mom she squeals, "it's for my baby!"...what 300 pound fucking behemoth did she push out of her? Stop holding up traffic, strap Baby Huey down to the roof and let's get moving. Stop screaming at your husband, "Make more money...I need gas!", and put the pedal to the metal. They take up four damn spots in the parking lot. How the hell do they even do that? You have to plan that shit ahead of time. Believe it or not, those moving coaches are not offices. You don't need a frickin' fax machine in there. Look at the road every mile or so.

You know what also pisses me off? How nice these damn SUV's are. They are like giant limos. That's not what we got when we were growing up. There was no safety harnesses, or child safety, we just were thrown in back seat and told to hold the fuck on. Dad would take a hard turn and we would bounce around like a Mexican soup party, dodging sharp edges and sticky leather. And you know what that taught us? Balance, coordination, and fucking survival. These kids growing up today with special airbags that make you climax if you get into an accident. That's not how you make a kid tough.

So give me my secret, special road and no more SUV's in the Los Angeles frickin' suburbs going two miles per hour because the driver is breast feeding her baby, talking on the cell phone, changing her clothes, and reading an email on her Treo that she still hasn't figured out how to turn on.

Oh and don't think men are exempt from this rant. Guys, the brakes work. Trust me. Going faster is not always the answer. "Dude, get past this school bus...just gun it man, screw the red light and pedastrians!" Here's the awful truth: men get in more accidents but women CAUSE more accidents. Men only speed because we are either 1) running away from you women or 2) running towards you women because we did something wrong and we have to fix it in person because you can't see if we are being honest and sincere over the phone because we always hide our emotions and never let you inside to see the real boy underneath the macho man.
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That's Smurfed Up!

So most of you have probably heard of the controversial ad by Unicef depicting a Smurf village getting bombed. I'm serious. Unicef actually showed a Smurf village getting bombed. I can't make this stuff up. Their next commerical is going to be the Care Bears involved in a drive by shooting and Sesame Street turning into Crack row. If you look real close, you should be able to see the gay whale being nuked by Jesus.


Click here to see the Smurf's get bombed
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Wine with Dinner Playlist

When you all get a little older you will appreciate this music. Good stuff to throw on before, during, or after dinner. Or to give your parents, I guess. Still some good classics.

1. It Don't Mean A Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing) - Rosemary Clooney/Ellington...
2. Sway - Dean Martin
3. Fever - Peggy Lee
4. The Look Of Love - Beckie Menzie
5. Makin' Whoopee - Ella Fitzgerald/Armstrong
6. Almost Like Being In Love - Nat King Cole
7. The Nearness Of You - Ella Fitzgerald
8. I Love Paris - Cole Porter
9. When Your Lover Has Gone - Ray Charles
10. The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra
11. Misty - Ella Fitzgerald
12. Secret Love - Bing Crosby
13. I Wished On The Moon - Billie Holiday
14. Because Of You - Tony Bennett
15. What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
16. You're My Thrill - Ella Fitzgerald
17. It Had To Be You - Ray Charles
18. Sunday Kind Of Love - Etta James
19. Hold Me - Peggy Lee
20. Ca C'est L'Amour - Cole Porter
21. Dream A Little Dream Of Me - Bing Crosby
22. The Very Thought Of You - Billie Holiday
23. Lovin' Arms - Etta James
24. As Time Goes By - Henry Mancini
25. I've Got A Crush On You - Peggy Lee
26. Let's Do It (Let's Fall In Love) - Ella Fitzgerald/Armstrong
27. All Of You - Fred Astaire
28. La Vie En Rose - Edith Piaf
29. Summertime - Billie Holiday
30. I've Grown Accustomed To Her Face - Nat King Cole
31. (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman - Aretha Franklin
32. How Long Has This Been Going On - Louis Armstrong
33. Unforgettable - (with Natalie Cole) - Nat King Cole
34. Moon River - Henry Mancini
35. Tenderly - Rosemary Clooney
36. Cheek To Cheek - Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
37. Fools Rush In - Frank Sinatra
38. At Last - Etta James
39. But Beautiful - Peggy Lee
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For you Drunkards...

So there’s a rumor out there that most of you are alcoholics. Sorry, but you’re mom told me when she caught you drinking her nail polish remover. How many times must she tell you to get your own? As some of you may know I’m a bartender so here’s a new drink I am working on...post a comment on what it should be called.
Yet Unnamed Party Punch:

2 ounces Silver Rum
1 ½ ounces orange juice
3/4 ounce fresh lemon juice
½ ounce orange curacao (or triple sec)
¼ ounce fresh lime juice
¼ ounce grenadine
1 cup crushed ice (yes, crushed you lazy drunks)
1 sprig of mint for garnish

Combine the rum, orange juice, lemon juice, orange curacao/triple sec, lime juice, grenadine, and crushed ice in a blender and pulse for a few seconds, just until uniformly combined. Pour into glass or bowl (if sharing). I won’t judge. Top with mint sprig and rim glass with sugar if you’re feeling randy. Enjoy! Now let’s think what to call it...
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Racism

I first want to say that I take racism very seriously and I am not trying to poke fun at a serious subject. That said...I do have some questions.

First: why can I be "white" but African-American's can't be "black?" I actually know some "black" African-American's who prefer to be called black and have never been to Africa. Neither have their parents. Of course, they have the right to be called whatever they wish and I do understand that there are numerous connotations with labels BUT...last time I checked I am white or caucasion. Not Russian/Anglo Saxon-American.

Second: If I moved to Africa, would I be an American-African? Probably not. I would probably be the white dude in Africa.

Third: BET does in fact stand for "Black Entertainment Television." There is no AAET (African-American Entertainment Television) channel in the works. Some might say that falls into the category of it being ok for other African-American's to call each other black but white people aren't allowed to. Ok, fine. Be that way.

Fourth: For some odd reason I don't think a WET channel would ever fly. White Entertainment Televsion wouldn't exactly go well with the sponsors. "But Jordan, white people have hundreds of channels all ready. African-American's deserve their own channel." Ok, sure I guess, but I don't think what black people have been through has anything to do with hardcore rap, bitches, and cristal. Just throwin' that our there.

Fifth and Finally: On a serious note, I understand that black people on average do not have the quality of life that white people do. There is still awful segregation, racism, and schism's in the socio-economic classes. I'm not saying everything is all gravy in the U.S. for black people. Hardly. BUT...if you take a look at what's going on over in Africa, the United States looks pretty damn inviting. So I know that the U.S. is still run by rich, old, white men but as countries go it ain't that terrible of a place to live compared to some other options. Making the rich richer and the poor poorer is one thing...massive genocide is quite another. Expensive healthcare is tough...no healthcare whatsoever is even harder. Again, this is all talk from a spoiled white/caucasian/anglo-saxon male so take it with a grain of salt.
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Commencement Speech 2005

My old server died and took the speech with it...take a look if you're feeling nostalgic and/or bored.


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Random Thought About Pleasure

Here's a thought: there is a multi-million dollar a year industry that designs products that give women pleasure. All men need is themselves. Did evolution COMPLETELY forget about women having pleasure? Yeah, don't worry, read on...it gets worse.

So yes we all know (actually I just found out) that women don't usually climax as easily as men. Yes I know society tells women not to be sexual beings but c'mon...men are designed to procreate easily which is directly connected to their orgasm. Women on the other hand...not so much.

Why is that? I mean...let's be frank, why give woman a button and then make it slightly out of the way? Just enough so that women buy over $18 million a year on the products mentioned above (which most often don't even work).

There really isn't a conclusion to this rant. I just find it interesting/unfair/odd/logical that men are made for pleasure and gratification and women are geared towards being more selective. I guess back in the cave man times since there is no way for the woman to enjoy it she's really only doing it to find a suitable mate.

But what the hell do I know...I'm just a guy. I'd love to hear what you women think.
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Platinum Chill Mix

Steal some songs (or all of them) for some sexy chillness.

1. Numb - Portishead
2. Glory Box - Portishead
3. Better Together - Jack Johnson
4. In The Waiting Line - Zero 7
5. Mr. Bojangles - Nina Simone
6. Feeling Good - Nina Simone
7. Fresh - Kool & The Gang
8. Too Hot - Kool & The Gang
9. How Come, How Long - (featuring Stevie Wonder) - Babyface
10. Cheating Me - Anthony David
11. Ain't Enough For Me - Anthony David
12. Part of My Life - Anthony David
13. Cold Turkey - Anthony David
14. Yellow Moon - The Neville Brothers
15. Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
16. 911 - Wyclef Jean
17. Always & Forever - Wyclef Jean
18. Killing Me Softly With His Song - Fugees
19. No Woman, No Cry - Fugees
20. Breathe - Telepopmusik
21. Damaged - Plumb
22. 6 Underground - Sneaker Pimps
23. Warm Sound - Zero 7
24. Destiny - Zero 7
25. Somersault - Zero 7
26. The Sea - Morcheeba
27. Part Of The Process - Morcheeba
28. Marching The Hate Machines (Into The Sub) - Thievery Corporation with the Flaming Lips
29. Let Go - Frou Frou
30. Sometimes - Sise
31. More Shine - Sise
32. The Truth - Sise
33. Sweet Melody - Zap Mama
34. Bandy Bandy - Zap Mama (featuring Erykah Badu)
35. Silence - Delerium
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New VTT Shower!!

Well this is just amazing stuff. I moved to NYC and I have discovered an amazing new shower technology dubbed "VTT." Read on to find out about this exciting development!



So I arrived in NYC very excited to take my showers as I am want to do but there is something special about the showers here at my building in NYC. Basically they are enabled with a new technology called "Variable Temperature Torture" or VTT for short. While the actual technology behind VTT is extremely complicated it basically works like this: find a temperature that you are comfortable with and then your shower will AUTOMATICALLY and SUDDENLY change to a completely different temperature! Amazing! I swear you do not need to touch the dial. It will automatically swich from hot to extreme cold and then right back to lava-scorching hot! This is some neat stuff.

It was actually first discovered in a Vietnam POW camp but now it has been brought over to the states and I for one am excited. Well, enough from me, let's hear from the inventor of the VTT shower:

Satan-"Die humans!"

Indeed! Can't disagree with that. Well I'm off to take a shower and thus get emotionally and physically scarred. G'night and happy showering!
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